Page 36 of Watcher

Jessica

Ishould have listened to him. If I had, I wouldn’t have been in jail for the second time in three days and wouldn’t be sitting here looking at my father’s scowl. I’d fucked up yet again, and he was here to pick up the pieces.

“I’ve spoken to the university president, and he’s willing to let you back into school. I’ll be making a sizeable donation in your name.” He’s old and ready to go. I want to ask what happens when he does go, but who asks a parent that kind of question? All I know for sure is that the Memphis Macabre belongs to me. I want to tell him not to leave a damn thing to my wicked stepmother, but now is not the time for that.

“Where are we going?”

“Home.”

“I don’t want to.”

His eyes move slowly from the window to me. He has the look he uses at conference room tables when he’s working a deal or getting ready to fire someone. I’m a disappointment. I get it.

“You don’t have a choice, Jessica. You’re my daughter, and it’s my job to care for you.”

“Are you proud of me, Daddy? I mean, I could be a lot worse. Most of your friends' kids are so much worse off than I am.” Caring for your child should never be considered a job. Therein lies the problem. Although he loves me, I’m just another employee.

“What have you done to be proud of?” he asks, ripping my heart out. He wants me to defend myself and my actions. He wants to negotiate my behavior. I won’t do it. I say nothing else and stare out the window for the remaining drive home.

At home, I do what I often do, go to my room and cry, racing past the wicked stepmother. She asks my father what happened, but I don’t stick around to hear his disappointment. He’s another example of its okay to be yourself as long as yourself is like him. I’m done. I want out.

In my room, I shoot Diablo a message to make sure she got home okay. She did and jokes about being arrested. She says it’s part of the club life. I suppose it is. Watcher said the same thing.

I look around the room, knowing I shouldn’t be here. This is no longer my home. In the morning, I’ll walk away for good.

***

I arrive at the rink a little after seven, escaping the house before my father woke for his morning coffee. Wicked stepmother was sitting on the back porch near the pool, getting her morning shot of alcohol. I said nothing to her and plan to never speak to her again.

Part of me hoped Watcher’s bike would have been in the parking lot. The other part of me was thankful to be alone. I needed to figure my shit out on my own.

I stop in the office doorway and stare at the desk. It’s still a mess and still needs to be cleaned. He’d actually fucked me while another man watched. Though I tried to shake the thought from my head, it wouldn’t leave. I knew why. I liked what happened. I liked the look in Jeremy’s eyes as he watched. I felt empowered and in control.

I couldn’t figure out why a man like Watcher would share a moment like that with another man present. Was it two male animals in the wild fighting over the dominance of a female? Watcher obviously had one. What if Jeremy had wanted to join in? I think Watcher would have said yes. That’s what he’s been trying to tell me the last few days.

I clean the desk and think about Watcher. Like a child wanting to get her way at all costs, I’d run him off last night.

The names were still on the whiteboard, and those men still needed to be dealt with. I would never lose sight of that.

“You okay?” Diablo enters the office and has a seat where Jeremy jerked off. I don’t tell her that. “How’d it go with your father?”

It sounds like I’m a child. I’m the youngest woman on the team and haven’t had nearly the same experiences as the rest. I couldn’t rely on my father anymore. I needed to grow up. That didn’t mean I couldn’t be a brat in some ways, but I couldn’t have people asking what my father thought of how I was leading my life.

“Not well. You were right. I think if I don’t become the woman he wants me to become, he’ll cut me off.”

“Then drop this club idea,” Diablo says. “You’re set for life.”

“I’m set for the life someone else has planned for me,” I say. “I can’t live that way.” I get up and go to the whiteboard. “I decided on a lot of things last night. I’ve moved all my money to private accounts. Nobody else can see what I have. I’m going to turn the practice rink into our new club space. We’ll make it a second home where the girls can stay.”

“We’ll need a garage area to work on bikes,” Diablo says.

“I own the building next door as well. It was going to be used for storage. We can convert that into a garage. I’ll have a fence put up around the property.” I pull a list from my purse and write it on the whiteboard beside the names. “These are all the things I came up with last night.”

Diablo joins me and takes the pen. She writes income on the board. “You’re going to run out of money. You can’t finance the club forever. We gotta figure out an income stream. More than one, if possible.”

“You think I need Watcher’s help.” She’s right. I’d let my brattiness run off a man because I was unwilling to understand him, just like my father was unwilling to understand me.

“We need a good relationship with the Brothers of Chaos to make this work.” She shrugs and puts the marker down. “I’m not saying you have to be his old lady or fuck him, but we need that club to make this work.”

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