Page 21 of Playing For Keeps

“No, I’m fine to get there.” It was breathy, her body canted toward his, capturing his lips before he could speak any more. Her mouth tasted sweet and salty. Her lips were soft and generous against his own. They kissed for a short while, not working up the same heat as before. This was slow, savoring.

She pulled away from him with a sigh, and Sebastian already mourned the closeness of their bodies. When he was with her, he felt so much more than he’d allowed himself. It had been so long since he existed outside of merely getting up in the morning, working, and yearning for sleep that didn’t come. He didn’t realize how heavily he’d relied on his numbing routine to get him through the day, not until she breezed in like a stiff wind and ruffled everything inside him to the point he barely recognized it.

Nothing changed, not really. His job was the same, the expectations, goals, and day-to-day unchanging. But somehow this was different. Sebastian couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly when it happened, but she was there now, on the edge of his subconscious.

It scared him, more than a little, because he could tell just how easy it would be to tumble into her and get lost in her orbit.

“Let me get you an Uber at least, it’s pretty late. I don’t feel comfortable with you being out alone at night.”

She nodded—the ride-share called, the two of them waited outside under the golden glow of the streetlight, hands intertwined.

The car pulled up, a bright neon sign in the window showing its designation, and Sebastian gave the back of her hand a light kiss before he let go, watching her leave. She blew him a kiss from inside the car, and he could smell her on his clothes. The breeze cut through his button up, a slight bite to the September air. He was so close to everything he’d wanted, then she swept in and stole his pastry and a little piece of his sanity.

Somehow, in the space of a week and a half, she’d managed to completely bowl him over, and Sebastian had no way of knowing the kind of damage she could inflict as time went on. But judging from how much he enjoyed her company and how time with her seemed to pass by in the span of a few breaths, he knew he was in for far more than he could handle. His concern shifted from worrying about leading her on to panicking at how much he wanted her to stay.

Farren was a mess at school. It was starting to impact her work. Marginally, but still. She’d mixed up the names of two of the students, forgotten her phone charger, and had to be reminded twice about a field trip that day.

A call to Corinne was in order because Farren was two steps away from being totally lost for Sebastian, and it was definitely no bueno. She found herself daydreaming about him somewhere between graham crackers, finger painting, and running one of the students over to the bathroom before there could be another incident. They were sweet, chatty, and Farren knew she’d miss them when she left in October, after their regular teacher came back from her maternity leave. She really needed to get her head out of her ass and focus on the job at hand. The students deserved that much.

Six weeks would be just long enough for her to know their names, personalities, and for some parts of their personal lives to be divulged. Just long enough for them to trust her before she said goodbye, dusted the crumbies and stickiness from her clothes, and stepped into an older classroom where the attitudes were so much bigger, their hearts already more guarded.

Farren couldn’t blame them. Wasn’t she the same? Didn’t she close herself off on purpose? Sebastian threatened that way of living and challenged her resolve. He genuinely listened to her, and the time they spent together seemed too fast and too little all at once.

She hadn’t seen him since Monday night when they’d celebrated his opportunity; work picked up even more for him as the week carried on. This close to the end of September was hell week, at least it was the impression she got from him. They texted here and there, a phone call on Thursday night where they spoke about a bunch of nonsense for almost an hour until Sebastian fell asleep on the call by ten PM. Slowly, but surely, she found herself wanting more.

More time. More depth. More of Sebastian.

So, that call with Corinne had to happen, like now. Especially since she didn’t want it to be a whole thing at game night later. Her friend picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you about Sebastian.”

She heard a rustle, then a change in the clarity of the call, probably when Corinne changed it back from speaker.

“Is he coming tonight?” Her friend sounded a little too excited at the prospect.

“No, he’s on deadline for some development stuff, so he’s been working a lot. It should hopefully calm down by the end of September. Anyway, that’s not what I’m calling about.”

Farren plopped down onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling, phone pressed to her cheek as she gave a hefty sigh—not quite sure how to put into words what she was feeling and why it was such a bad thing.

“Spill.”

She could always depend on Corinne not to beat around the bush.

“I like him—a lot. We went on a date this past weekend, and then I went over to his place on Monday to celebrate his promotion. We text a little every day.” Farren knew she tended toward rambling, so listed it out in the most clinical terms, trying to keep more emotion from tumbling out.

“Okay, and…?” Corinne asked.

“And? What do you mean, AND?”

“I mean, you make it sound like it’s a problem. You’ve never called me freaking out about any of the others before. What’s the deal with this guy in particular?” Corinne had a point; Farren was usually a little more level-headed about these sorts of things. Not that she didn’t get excited, or turned on, or enjoy her time with other guys.

“He’s just… different? I don’t know. You’ve seen me in relationships, I’m breezy, mostly unaffected. I mean it’s not like I don’t feel strongly about them, or hurt when it’s over. I…”

“You try to stay detached. It’s not a news flash. I’ve known you coming up on five years, and I’ve never spoken with one of your family members. Heck, I don’t even know half of their names. You have me listed as your emergency contact. You don’t do commitment, Farren.” Corinne sounded a little tired, her words sharper than Farren was expecting. She’d hoped her friend might be able to give her some advice, calm her nerves and get her back on track. Not shine a glaring light onto the heart of what was apparently wrong with her.

There was nothing bad about looking out for herself first, right? No one else did, so she’d better do it for herself. If it meant people were transitory in her life, she’d happily pay the price for independence.

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