Page 25 of Playing For Keeps

She sounded so dejected by it, all Sebastian wanted to do was appease her, reassure her she could do whatever she set her mind to. It was true, but also sometimes that required some help.

“Is it a board game?” he asked, his free hand reaching out to hold hers, the two of them facing each other on the couch.

“Technically? It’s… supposed to be.” Farren shrugged, shrinking under his gaze as her words spilled out.

She sounded unsure, and it was new for him. She’d always seemed so confident, so unfazed. It was stark to see her struggling with something openly; he’d thought her invincible, immune to the pitfalls he wrestled with constantly.

“But?” he urged, gentle, not wanting her to shut down if he dug too deep, the way he knew he probably would if he was in her position.

The words were a rushed huff, tumbling over each other as she tried to get them out as quickly as possible. “The mechanics aren’t finished. I have the first round thought out. Players receive a manuscript idea at the start of the game, then slowly collect plot points and twists to beef it up. At the end of the round, they have to try to query in order to find an agent to represent their story. I’m not sure how to make it all work.” Her brows were drawn down in concentration, and he knew this must be her “thinking” face.

“How so?” he asked.

“I can’t decide if I should have the players take turns to play the agent, and the writers would have to pitch their story. But then I’m worried they’d all be vying for the same job or genre. Their stories might be too similar. I thought of maybe having multiple agent cards and players trying to amass enough tropes or the like to reach that agent’s preferred wished-for story and collecting agents.” Farren spoke, her hands punctuating some of her words, and Sebastian settled back against the couch to watch her.

She got more fired up the more she spoke.

“But that also wouldn’t work because then people would be trying to get the most agents, whereas from what I’ve read about the publishing world, that wouldn’t be how it went down. It’s just a struggle to finalize the mechanics in a way befitting the theme.”

“How long have you been working on this?” he asked, a little breathless by how beautiful she looked when talking about this thing she was so clearly passionate about.

“I’ve dabbled over the last year, nothing consistent.” Farren chewed her bottom lip, the flesh caught between her teeth.

“I think it’s a great idea! Have you tried having your friends play and give you feedback?”

Her eyes widened, a quick “No!” sputtering out before she backtracked a little on the intensity. “No, I haven’t.”

“Why not?” He was genuinely puzzled by this. They would be the best equipped to help her get it off the ground stage. Their shared experience playing games gave them an insight into what worked and what didn’t… what was fun and what wasn’t.

“What’s with the third degree?” she asked, her voice edged with something very close to defensiveness.

“I’m only taking an interest. I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, contrite, deflating a little at the harshness of how she responded. It had been a rare insight into her and her interests. A line she didn’t want him to cross, clearly.

Her face softened at his statement, and she leaned forward to press a kiss against his cheek.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s… it’s not something I’ve spoken to anyone about. Not even Corinne. I guess it’s easier to work on it in secret because then at least when I fail, or quit, or lose interest… whichever happens first, no one is there to watch and judge.” She shrugged as if it was no big deal, but he could tell from the tremble of her bottom lip she wasn’t as unaffected as she pretended to be.

“When, not if?”

Her face seemed to crumple at his words, true vulnerability covering her expression for the first time since they’d met. It was a revelation to see these sides of her, the depth he’d been denied until now.

“I’m not like you, Sebastian. You’re so focused. You set goals and you reach them. I’m not the most responsible person, nor do I have the staying power required for something like this. Publishing a game is a lot like publishing a book, only far more expensive because you need a workable version of it before you can even think about pitching a publisher.” She looked so sad, so resigned already.

“And? That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Farren, when you were talking about this, your face lit up in a way I’ve never seen. You care about this, I can tell. Why not give it a try?”

“I—” she broke off, and he could tell she was about to reiterate the points she’d just made.

“—Can do it. I can help you, if you’d like.” The words were out before he could think about the repercussions, about the hours it probably required. She had a solid theme, an idea around some of the mechanics, the main issue being the win condition and how the game might be able to progress beyond the first round or set of goals.

“Sebastian, you don’t—I know how much you have on your plate, and I’m not even sure this would ever be worth it, or if I’d be able to finish it with this idea block.”

“I know, but things should calm down for me soon. If this is something you want, even if you’re scared to fail, I think you should honor this dream.” Like he’d done. Like when he’d stepped away from his family and everything he knew to pursue what he’d been chasing. Or what you’d been running away from? The thought was shoved aside, his focus returning to her.

If this was her dream, her goal… that made sense to Sebastian, and he wanted to help her see it through.

“Let me think about it, okay? I appreciate it, I just didn’t expect this tonight.” She chuckled at something she must have been thinking, and it made him wonder.

“What exactly did you expect tonight?” he asked, trying to keep any anticipation from his voice, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

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