Page 45 of Playing For Keeps

“Just ‘Live, Laugh, Loving’ it up! Your mom says hi,” his dad joked, and Sebastian could hear her shouted greeting in the background, enough to put a slight smile on his face.

“Are you calling for any particular reason?” Sebastian asked, hating how brusque it sounded, unable to manage much else. Conversation had been limited for him that week. He was surprised his voice didn’t sound strange from disuse.

“Thought I’d check in on you. It’s been radio silence for the last few weeks.”

A few months more like. The last time he’d bothered to call them was his mom’s birthday. He tried not to dwell on the guilt pushing up his throat at the realization.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’m working toward a promotion, and we just came off the crush of needing to meet targets before the end of our suspense date. So, I’m a little bushed. What’s new with you?”

“We got a new alpaca!”

Oh my god. What now? Sebastian started pacing in the apartment, socked feet gliding over the smooth wood floors making it easier on the turns when he ran out of room.

“Our neighbor got arrested, and they had a ton of animals—domestic and exotic—on property. We agreed to take on the chickens and his alpaca. So, that was one less thing for the authorities to deal with.” It was so blasé, as if arrests including South American animals were no big deal in rural Ohio. He wondered how they were even allowed to keep the alpaca. Chickens were one matter but—never mind. He didn’t want to know.

“Why the hell did he get arrested?” Sebastian could feel a headache sneaking in, his temples pinched and a sharpness behind his eyes which made him want to crawl into bed and sleep for two days straight.

“The property doubled as a weed farm. It was kind of ridiculous.” His dad scoffed. “But that’s what you get when you’re dumb enough to sell to a cop.”

Sebastian had to physically fight to keep himself from rolling his eyes, or reacting out loud, his real opinion of no use to this conversation.

“Well, at least you got an alpaca out of it!”

“And a huge bag of weed before Jerry was arrested! So, we’re good for a while until we can find another provider.”

Provider, like it was through fucking health insurance or something. Sometimes it was crazy to think how parents like his produced such a strait-laced, uptight asshole.

“That’s definitely something. How’s Mom doing?” Subject change. Hopefully, they could get the pleasantries out of the way, and this could be over quicker. There was a crash in the background, some shouting, and he could have sworn he heard animal noises.

“She’s dealing with the chickens. One snuck into the house wreaking havoc at the moment, but she’s good otherwise. There was a bit of a health issue a few weeks ago, but the doctor gave the all-clear.” His father said it calmly like they were catching up on football scores or discussing the weather. Not that either of them ever cared a lick for sports. Sebastian stilled, the staccato cadence of his feet on the floor quiet, the silence in the room like a vacuum.

“What kind of health issue? Why didn’t you guys call me?” His voice was more frantic than he would have liked, but then again, it seemed justified.

“It was good. It turned out to be benign. We didn’t want to bother you. You’re so busy. We handled it.”

“Turned out to be… You guys thought it was cancer?” Sebastian’s voice rose, the anger from work, failure, and Farren mingling with worry and helplessness.

Fuck. He was such a bad son. Such an awful person. Who has a cancer scare and doesn’t bother to call? Did they really think him so uncaring? The thought of his mother, sick, withering… the emotions he’d been suppressing for a week welled up, and rage rose to the surface.

“It was just a small tumor on her thyroid. They cut it out, and they’re keeping an eye on her, but it shouldn’t resurface or spread. She’s feeling much better. You know, they do that as an outpatient procedure now. It’s really not a big deal. As I said, we handled it.” His dad sounded like he was getting irritated as well, his casual tone slipping into something a bit harsher.

“Of course you did. Of course you handled it on your own. That’s how you’ve done it for as long as I’ve known you both. The two of you against the world.” The words were scathing, the front he’d tried to maintain in tatters on the ground. Now probably wasn’t the time to process childhood trauma, but the thought of his mom being sick—potentially so ill they went to go see a specialist—and neither of them bothered to call…

“Yes, it is us against the world, always has been.” His dad sighed on the line, a slight rustling on the other end like his father might have started pacing as well, or potentially put him on speaker. “I don’t know what you’re getting at?”

Of course, he didn’t. His dad didn’t think beyond what was right in front of his face. Sebastian should be used to it, should be immune to it. But the pressure of the past few weeks wore him down, especially this last one. The lack of calm that Farren provided ate into him and infuriated him. He didn’t want to need her. He didn’t want to miss how she made him feel. He was supposed to be stronger than that.

“Always the two of you. No room for me. No consideration. Maybe I would have wanted to know, to help. Did that ever occur to you? Have you considered I would have liked to be involved in your lives and had you in mine?” The words were daggers, thrown without care or target, just plain chaos. There was a pause, a slight sniff on the other end of the line.

“You’ve never…” his dad took a shuddering breath. “You were always busy with school, then college, then work.” His father stumbled over, trying to explain himself, the words stopping and starting as he apparently gathered his thoughts. “We had nothing in common with you. We thought you’d just like to be left alone to chase whatever you had your eye on. Your mother and I… you’ve always been a bit perplexing to us.” His father must have been close to tears given how strained his voice sounded. It tore at Sebastian, guilt and release, things coming to a head finally with them so many miles apart. Just the tinny sound of his father’s voice in his ear to keep him tethered to this moment.

“I filled my time with that because it was all I had. I could never get into your tight-knit unit. I always felt like an afterthought. A mistake.” Sebastian was getting choked up himself, hand shaking where it gripped the plastic of his phone, briefly thinking he might crack it in his grasp.

“Oh. Oh no. Sebastian…” He heard a sniff, then more shuffling as the phone was passed from his dad to his mom.

“Sweet boy. We love you. I hope you know that.” She tried to soothe, too little too late. His hurt made it almost impossible to climb down the peak of anger he found himself at. It was easier to lash out at them than face the fact he’d fucked up big time and a lot of it was his choice.

“I love you too, but sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes it takes more than that. I know I wasn’t what you wanted, and I don’t know how to force these parts of my life together. I don’t know how to be the son you wished I’d been.” Sebastian was whispering around the knot in his throat by the end of it.

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