Page 53 of Playing For Keeps

Having somewhere to channel her energy… to focus, dream, and build helped distract Farren reasonably well. Work took up a bunch of her day, and she found herself more grateful for it than not. Although Thanksgiving break had given her the opportunity to head home, Farren still felt too raw to face her family. Especially with the reminder that she’d have to head up there alone. So, she sent her love and regards, promised to try and make a plan for Christmas, and carefully set her emotions aside.

Having something to channel her energy into took the edge off of the gnawing in her chest. First, she cleaned her apartment. She even went so far as to wipe down the top of the ceiling fan blades and felt pretty proud of herself.

Laundry came next. Farren found this fantastic account on TikTok that did laundry stripping. She spent at least a few hours with Borax, detergent, and hot water in her bathtub, pulling the impurities out of her blankets and watching the dirty water pour down the drain. Part of her wished it was as easy to cleanse herself of how she was feeling, but no dice.

She’d approached a few places about possibly being venues in her area to host the game club, including one of the schools nearby, but they weren’t too keen on her using their resources. The room could go to any number of actual school clubs, and since Farren didn’t teach there, she had no one to vouch for her, no clout. None of the venues she found so far seemed to fit the bill perfectly.

Restaurants or coffee shops with space wanted guarantees they’d be making money off the people occupying their tables, which—fair enough, but it cut her prospective list in half. Others wanted to charge high fees for the use of their spaces and to have Farren pay for liability insurance. While she was willing to pay—happy to—if it secured a space, she still had rent and other bills to think about. Was this idea doomed before it even got off the ground?

Corinne was a freaking rock through it all. Farren was so glad they’d been able to make up, even though some of what Corinne said during their fight came up occasionally. Farren did want to be dependable. Even if she wasn’t inherently serious. She wanted to be someone people could turn to and know it was meaningful.

Her heart ached at night when all her distractions faded. In bed alone, she thought about whether she was being stupid, whether she should just pick up when he called. But the calls came less and less until, eventually, they didn’t come at all. And she grieved, berated her own stupidity when it happened.

Farren felt so childish and silly for letting the hurt from his judgment and rejection get in the way of what she wanted. It felt like a stupid hill to die on. But she couldn’t bring herself to reach out. She didn’t want to put herself out there again, only for it to end the same way. At some point, she’d have to speak to him. Sebastian had a key to her apartment, and the end had come, but as usual, Farren seemed to lack the follow-through ability.

You can’t ghost the guy you love. Her traitorous thoughts taunted her when she missed him most.

Well, she was going to try and get over him. Soon. At some point. Eventually.

In the meantime, she’d research more venues, think up lists of games that could be played, and consider how the heck to market the idea to schools and groups to draw people in.

Her phone rang, blasting through her do-not-disturb and sounding her Christmas ringtone, falsely cheerful. Farren’s heart definitely didn’t sink when she saw it was Corinne instead of Sebastian.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked.

“Are you going to PAX this year?” Corinne was her abrupt self; at this point, Farren was used to no pleasantries.

“I wasn’t planning on it. Why?” Crowds didn’t sound appealing, neither did having to be “on” for so long. Even though she enjoyed it, her mind strayed to Sebastian far too often.

“I think it’s a good idea.”

“Why is that?” Farren asked, trying not to sound exasperated.

“Because…” she dragged it out. “Luis's mom is going to watch Alison, and I think it would be a great way to get a feel for new games coming out. Specifically new kids' games. You could watch them being played and see what works and doesn’t. Research for your endeavor.”

Fuck. She had Farren there.

“I don’t know. I’m not really feeling up to it.” Maybe if Farren kept at it, Corinne would drop it.

“Do you want to accomplish this goal or not? I know you’re still bummed about what happened with Sebastian, but I think this will be a great opportunity for you. Get out of the house for a bit. Spend time doing what you love with the people that love you,” Corinne said, and Farren’s resolve folded. She was right.

“Fine. You twisted my arm. Though I’m not sure I can get a ticket this close to it.” Farren also needed to check her bank account to ensure she had enough play money left over after paying bills. Usually, she got the early bird tickets with the discount, but this year was such a crazy time, it totally slipped her mind.

“Already taken care of.” Corinne’s voice sounded smug, and she kind of wanted to be mad at her friend’s assumption. Mostly, she was glad to have someone to pester her, to care.

“What about a hotel? I haven’t had any time to plan.” Farren’s panic grew, accumulating under her ribcage.

“It’s okay. We’ve got it all covered, Farren. All you have to do is show up and have fun. Can you do that?” Corinne made it sound like a challenge, and Farren had always been a sucker for a challenge.

“Okay, well… guess we’re going to Philly!” Farren wasn’t all the way enthused, but she wasn’t going to bring Corinne down as well.

Her friend gave a little cheer, and Farren felt herself smile for real for the first time in a while.

The crush of people overwhelmed him, and the assault on his senses left Sebastian feeling uneasy. The convention center teemed with all sorts. Perfume mixed sickeningly with cologne and body odor. Every step made his lanyard swing, the strap irritating the back of his neck. Corinne hadn’t mentioned this. It would be impossible to find her here. He should have expected it; in the back of his mind, he understood what a convention was like. He went to one or two for work.

But PAX Unplugged was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. It compounded as he walked from his hotel room to the convention center, and lines of people on sidewalks converged, filing into the building like ants returning to the hill en masse. Sebastian wished he’d prepared better. Mentally… physically. His long-sleeve T-shirt was already uncomfortably toasty given the warmth in the building and the sheer amount of body heat being given off at any time.

Giant banners were up along with arrows and floor numbers. Room numbers were listed for panels, more for gameplay. They’d set up a whole floor just for shopping. Sebastian felt silly for his comment so long ago, scoffing at this. Gaming wasn’t frivolous. Freeing some room up for joy wasn’t a waste of time.

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