Page 54 of Playing For Keeps

The scale was impressive, the passion of the people around him so much more than he’d ever dared to allow himself. The colors and sounds gave the space a spirited air. A pulsing song played on the sound system, drowned out by too many people talking at once, feet shuffling against the floor.

The backpack felt extra heavy on his back, her game like a cinder block reminding him of the stakes. No pressure. All he needed to do was win back the woman he loved… prove to her how much he believed in her, and hopefully not piss her off entirely in the process.

Corinne was hesitant to divulge any information about her friend. But Sebastian explained his feelings, his mistake—the gift he never got to give her. They played the game, and he could see the pride on her face, both of them sharing a smile at how amazing Farren was. Both wanted to see her succeed and believed she could make it happen if she just saw her worth and the worth of what she created. He had no idea how, but Corinne managed to pull it together. She “knew people,” apparently.

This is going to blow up in our face.

No. No. This was going to work.

His initial plan was to try and pitch the game on her behalf to a publisher, sparing her potential hurt and disappointment—but he knew she wouldn’t appreciate him bulldozing his way through the work she’d put in. Besides, he wanted to be there to support her in going after her dream. She needed to believe in herself enough to try, even if it didn’t work out.

The slot was at three PM. Sebastian had two hours to try and find her in this growing crowd. Two hours to convince her she could do this. Two hours to think of a better way to say what kept running through his mind.

He tried texting her again.

Farren. Please. Just give me a chance to apologize.

No response.

It made sense after Corinne explained how Farren felt, how she internalized what he’d said and how much he’d hurt her. Sebastian understood not opening up, protecting yourself. She’d gone against her nature for him, and he rewarded her with nothing but derision. Farren put up a good front, a strong one, after pretending for so long nothing bothered her.

It still pissed him off knowing how neglected she’d been by her family, how she sought out affection because of it. The shell she surrounded herself with was far more fragile than she let on. He’d dismissed her, just like her family did. Corinne made so many things clear for him. Her parents ignored her emotional needs as a child, which explained how she approached things. With how confidently she carried herself, it never occurred to him she might be just as scared as he was.

Ugh, he was such an asshole.

Sebastian needed her to know how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her he loved her for how she was… The way they left things definitely didn’t convey any of that. Even if nothing happened for them, Farren needed to know he believed in her and her dream.

“She thinks she’s not good enough. She takes herself out of high-stakes situations so she doesn’t disappoint anyone. As confident as she is—as she seems—she still struggles. Farren thinks she’s not good enough for you, she thinks you’re still hung up on your ex,” Corinne said. Each word was like a drip of acid accumulating into a little pool of guilt he wanted to wallow in.

Of course, she was good enough. Farren was a better person than he would ever be. Sebastian should never even have put her in the same sentence as Ashley. Farren’s perspective and how she looked at the world was brighter and more creative than anything he could come up with.

Anxiety built up in his chest, stacking against his lungs until it felt harder to breathe. He had to find her. Sebastian tried calling but it just rang until the now-familiar voicemail greeted him.

Can’t get a hold of her.

Either she’s not hearing/seeing my attempts to contact her or…

Or she doesn’t want to.

I don’t know what to do.

Corinne was probably so tired of him already.

Check her Instagram stories, idiot.

She’s posting which games she’s playing as she plays them.

Of course. It hadn’t occurred to Sebastian. Her handle was punny, and he didn’t expect any less: @ImAMeeplePerson posted multiple stories highlighting the day.

Her stories were vibrant; the con looked so different through her eyes. To Farren, this wasn’t too much, cacophonous and claustrophobic. To Farren, this was where she could be herself and enjoy getting lost in something fun for a little while. Where she could meet people and make new friends.

Her most recent story showed her in a room playing about twenty-five minutes ago. Sebastian struggled with the glacial pace of the internet, trying to look up how long the play time was so he could gauge just how long he had to find the gaming room she was in.

Maybe. Maybe he’d have enough time if he hurried.

He wove between people, stopping and starting as his flow was interrupted by others going in the opposite direction. Groups of con-goers walking together made it even harder to get through. The first room was small and devoid of her beautiful dark blonde curls.

The second was much larger, but despite him scanning every face he could see, walking around the edge to make sure, still no luck.

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