Page 55 of Playing For Keeps

The final room was on the other side of the exhibition hall, the maze of people and stalls exhausting to try and snake through. His heart thundered in his chest, breath huffing in and out. Sebastian was vaguely aware of the beads of sweat trickling down his spine. Somehow, he heard the squeak of his sneakers on the exhibition floor as he stopped and started, pivoting around people meandering their way around.

He made it to the room, wooden doors shut against the din of the main floor. Sebastian pushed his way inside, a few heads turning at the influx of sound, but most remained focused on their tasks.

Farren included.

She faced away from him, on the edge of the room. Technically, her back was to him, but he knew it was her. Blonde hair was bundled into a barely contained bun, wavy tendrils escaping to curl against her neck. The curve of her cheek and the sharp wing of her eyebrow were all he could make out from here, and even so, he felt like she’d knocked the wind out of him.

They seemed to be finishing up, and she chatted excitedly with her opponent, gesturing with her hands as she spoke. Beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

He’d missed her so much. This glance. This tiny sliver of her was the best thing he’d experienced in weeks.

But she didn’t know he was there, and the last thing he wanted was for her to turn around and for the smile to disappear from her face. Sebastian backed out of the room, his nerves skittering so close under the surface of his skin, he could have sworn he felt them physically.

That’s why his hands were shaking, right? Why his sternum felt like it was about to crack under some kind of pressure?

He leaned against the wall near the door, trying to talk himself into walking back in there and approaching her.

She’s going to think you’re crazy, or scary. She’s going to be mad. Farren doesn’t want to see you. You’re being so fucking stupid. Just go home. Just forget this ever happened. You don’t deserve her anyway. Leave her to her happiness.

It was hard to ignore the stream inside his mind, the never-ending thread of thoughts serving no purpose other than to make him feel worse about himself. That voice was so hard to drown out.

Just a few minutes. I’ll go back inside once I’ve caught my breath… Once I’ve figured out what to say.

He’d found her. Now he just had to find the right words. He’d be back inside that room talking to her as soon as he did.

It was a plan. Not the best, but a plan, nonetheless. Sebastian was sure it would’ve been pretty good, except he hadn’t accounted for the chance she might leave the room right after her game. The possibility slipped his mind until a small throng of people exited through the doors, and the familiar sway of her hips was right in front of him.

“Farren!” It was out before he could think about it. His hand wrapped around her wrist. Not unlike their first meeting.

Like then, she turned to face him, astonishment giving way to something else, something not—happy. Farren pulled her arm from his grip.

“What are you doing here?” It was difficult to hear her over all the noise.

“I needed to talk to you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I needed to apologize. Please.” His voice cracked as he begged, emotion sitting close to the surface, leaving the words hoarse. Desperate not to lose her again.

Farren seemed to consider his words longer than was comfortable before she nodded. She gestured for him to follow her to an escalator nearby, leading up and away from the main floor. Sebastian followed, tethered to her by some unfathomable thread of feeling. The urge to reach out, to touch her skin again, was colossal.

He followed her through more of the colony, people converging toward their hive. They got to an empty hallway between multiple conference rooms that weren’t being used for this convention.

When she turned to face him, it was with a carefully neutral mask, a few feet away, but it might as well have been a hundred. Farren stared at him, wordless, waiting for him to make the first move. Sebastian supposed her arms were crossed over her chest to look closed off or intimidating. All it did was highlight her waist, the soft swell of her chest under her sweater. God, she was beautiful.

This was it. His chance.

“I fucked up.”

Shit. Way to ease into it. He cringed, wincing, unused to being this direct about his feelings… his shortcomings. Well, nothing to do but muddle right through the middle.

“I was afraid. You made me feel—so much. More than I thought possible. More than I’d convinced myself I could handle.”

Her arms loosened, dangling at her sides, her face pinched slightly.

“I’m so, so sorry. I messed everything up, and it was all my fault. I let my fear get in the way. You didn’t deserve what I said… the way I acted. You deserve so much more. I know I hurt you, and I can’t fix it with words.”

God he wished he could. Sebastian took a deep breath before forging on. “You—you’re everything. The last thing I want is to leave you with the impression that I don’t think you’re fucking amazing. Because you are.”

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