Page 109 of Love Marks

I shake my head. “Don’t do that.”

She pats my hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t that bad before, really. It’s okay.”

“No, Mom, it’s not okay. You can’t keep downplaying how you feel. You have to tell us the truth about your symptoms.” I hate that I sound angry. “Just…don’t shield me just because it sucks. We don’t do that.”

“You’re right.” She sits up a little higher and grimaces. “I’m sorry, baby. I just that you’ve seemed so happy lately. I didn’t want to take that away from you.”

My stomach bottoms out and I try not to flinch. It is my fault. If I hadn’t been so caught up in Wesley, in whatever game he’s been playing, she would have been honest with me.

“What? Did something happen?” My mom asks, eyeing me. She must be able to read the heartbreak written all over my face.

“Nothing. We need to focus on you, on getting through the surgery. Are you scared?”

“Fucking terrified,” she admits, her shaky voice betraying her real fear underneath all her bravado. “I’m not done yet. I still have more to do.”

My blood goes cold. “It’s gonna be fine. You heard the doctor. Everything’s going to be fine.”

I squeeze her hand, not sure who I’m trying to convince more: myself, or her.

* * *

My mom has been in surgery for the past three hours. It’s the middle of the night. Joe left to pick up some of my mom’s things for when she wakes up. I’ve been sitting on this chair, wide-awake, watching the fingers on the clock tick slowly by. Time has never moved so slowly.

I feel exhausted, down to my bones, but I can’t sleep. When I close my eyes, all I can see is my mom’s crackled, stained skin, that scared look in her eyes before they took her into surgery. She is so strong all the time, seeing the fear plainly there in her eyes almost broke me entirely.

Someone sits next to me, and I glance over, my eyes half-open.

“If this is a financial visit, I will kill you.”

Hannah chuckles and slips her hand into mine. “It’s a friend visit.”

I sigh and sit back. “How did you know?”

“I shared an elevator with Dr. Emmanuel on my way out of the hospital. He was on the phone, and I am a top-tier eavesdropper.” I try to laugh, but it sounds all wrong to my ears. Hannah sighs and squeezes my hand. “You should have called me.”

“So you could tell me the cost of the surgery down to the penny? I already have enough to deal with the chemo costs.”

Her brow furrows. “What do you mean? All that debt was paid weeks ago.”

“What?” I rear back. I must be so tired that I’m hearing things. “What did you just say?”

“I thought you knew. I assumed Joe told you. He came to me a few weeks back, said he’d found out about a grant that your mom qualified for, and paid the whole thing off.”

My brain must be fried from everything that’s happened today. Maybe I’m hallucinating from tiredness. I try to soak in Hannah’s words, but nothing is really happening in my brain. I just nod. I’ll have to ask Joe about it when he returns, but the thought of not having to worry about paying those bills feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Hannah looks around. “Where’s Wes? I thought I’d find him by your side when I got here. Did I just miss the sexy hunk, because I’ve really been dying to meet him—”

“He isn’t here. He’s not…I don’t know. We’re…I can’t think about him right now.” Hearing his name hurts. My hands start shaking and I try to breathe through the panic rising within me, the heartbreak still so fresh.

“What happened?” Hannah asks, her expression saddening further.

I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I can’t. Physically can’t. I look at the clock again. Is it supposed to take this long?

Hannah stays for almost an hour by my side, until I basically force her to leave. Once she’s gone, I turn my phone back on to send a text with Joe asking how long until he’s back. As soon as I do, I see the notifications from Wesley rolling in. A few missed calls, and a series of texts increasing in frustration.

Did you get home okay?

How are you feeling?

---