Page 118 of Mila: The Godfather

Even when we’re surrounded by other people, he’s always looking at me. It both excites and scares me, all in a good way.

The best way.

Just with one look, he makes the world stop when it gets too loud.

He makes the chaos in my head bearable when it gets to be too much.

He loves you too. Riagan’s father’s words replay in my mind while I hold his son’s stare. I study the softness in his face that I’ve only ever seen when it came to me. Even when he was staring at his father or Maeve, he always stares with a look that you couldn’t quite tell if he liked you or not. In my case, I knew that he liked me. At least, now that I knew how to read him really well, I did.

A warm feeling, one I only get when he looks at me, spreads in my chest. These newfound feelings frightened me. Frightened me so much that I found myself constantly overthinking every little thing he did and said because nothing could ever hurt more than having my heart broken by him. Yet, I push my fears away because, as much as my feelings for my husband scare me, one thing is for sure…

Nothing frightens me more than not having him at all.

More than losing him because I’m scared to give myself to someone else.

To give my heart away.

But it’s not really my heart anymore, is it?

It’s his.

That warm fuzzy feeling in my chest expands, and I smile. Smile because I’m genuinely happy. At this moment, with the people who care most about him, I’m overjoyed. “Riagan.” I lean forward so he can hear me over the noise around us.

“Yes, wife?” His smile widens, and my heart skips a beat. In the past week, I’ve seen some of the most beautiful sights of nature. Yet, nothing compares to his smile. Nothing.

Wife.

His wife.

That’s who I am now.

Reaching under the table, I grab his hand and look into his eyes. I make myself hold his stare for as long as I can, then I give him another truth. You make me happy when happiness has always been fleeting to me. You make me smile just by being by my side. You make my heart do weird things I’m still not sure I quite understand. You’ve become my favorite part of the day.

I think all of this, yet I’m too scared to admit it aloud. Instead, I tell him. “I’m lucky to have met you.” Too embarrassed to hold his gaze any longer, my eyes fall to his lips as I try to slow down the beating of my heart. It feels as if it wants out of my body to get to him. To his owner.

“I’m the lucky one, butterfly.” Then, he does something I’ve only seen in movies and read in books.

He lifts our joint hands and brings them to his mouth, kissing my hand gently.

My breath hitches, and my heart loses control.

I’m the lucky one.

No.

He doesn’t see it, but I do.

I’m the one lucky to have met this man, who every day turns out to be so much more than his ink, name, and the blood he has spilled.

So much more, and now he’s mine.

At least for as long as it lasts.

I think of forever.

I wish… I wish I could keep him forever.

Riagan’s Secret Thoughts

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