Page 153 of Mine to Worship

“She was fourteen, that means fourteen years of whoever wants to touch you however they please.”

He breaks into sobs as he kneels in front of me. “Please, no, I am sorry, okay?”

“Ellia pleaded, too.”

I drag my leg from his grubby hands and the warden pulls him away. When Colton accompanies me back to my car, I write him another check.

“You already paid me for this.”

“Yeah, but now, I want him to live fourteen years, afterwards I don’t fucking care.”

With that, I get in the car, and close my eyes.

Four and a half hours, and not one second later, I am back home with my girls.

Chapter 48

Ellia

“She’s six months old. Can you believe how fast time flies?” I ask him.

Kian watches us, his hands in his pockets, love brimming in his eyes, but something is wrong. Last night, he made love to me, as if he never could again. I still feel him inside of me, his kisses branding my skin, him owning my body.

I rock our girl and kiss her on her chubby cheeks. I put her in his arms and say, “There is something I want to talk to you about.”

He freezes and sits down on the couch with Kira in his arms. I walk into his office, searching for the contract from the gallery in Paris, when something else catches my eyes. I pick up the documents with trembling fingers and scan the divorce papers. If he signed them, I’m gonna lose my shit, but there is no signature.

Why would he keep them?

My knees weaken when I remember Kian said it was up to me, but after we forgave each other months ago, I thought it was a closed subject. I should have known better. I sink in the armchair and let everything between us pass my eyes, all the times I caught him, staring into nothingness. Did he think as he entered me last night that that was it, the end of us?

Tears well up in my eyes, agony and anger battling for the prime spot. How can he be this stupid, and torment himself for months like this? Why didn’t he tell me? Why did I forget? I jump to my feet, putting the divorce papers under the contract Andre’s assistant sent me. But I have to clear this up first, and then talk about when we’re moving.

After the first few weeks, the city reminded me of its chaotic beauty and blasting personality. I want Kira to know the calmness of nature, but also the allure of anonymity of a big city. It will be her choice. Paris will just be one of our destinations.

Kian promised me he’ll be by my side. All he has done since my pregnancy was to support me, every step of the way.

We have been taking turns looking after Kira when he is in the office, or I am painting in the studio or am in the gallery. The first time I held the brush again in my hands, knowing what I would paint was a rush of feelings. I remember Kian’s face in complete awe when I gifted him the same painting of our hands interlaced over my growing belly, only this time in colors. Wasn’t that evidence enough that I am not going anywhere? I march in the living room but stop, rooted in place.

He’s clutching our baby to his chest, rocking her while he stands up and stares at me, saying, “No, I can’t do this. I told you it was your choice, but I can’t, fuck I can’t, I won’t… I will rip them up.” His voice breaks, his entire posture stiffens, only his chest heaves. Kian’s eyes burrow in the papers I am holding.

This man cracks my heart open. I fight tears back and pull myself together. With a raised chin and squared shoulders, I approach him. I will knock the fuck out of his last demons. Do not mess with me, you little shits. I will spar my whole life with you if I need to, but he’ll be free. I will win the last round for us.

I hold the envelope to my chest, and he cocks his head, shadows of torment clouding his eyes. He places Kira in her vibrating swing, and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“You signed it?”

I shake my head at him, anger simmering inside of me, but I rein myself in.

With trembling fingers, he picks up the envelope and sees the contract for the gallery exhibit first.

“Let me check this first with our lawyer.”

I place my palms on his cheeks.

“You… What am I going to do with you? How can you believe I’d leave you?” I kiss him and say, “Baby, you are killing me… I am not going to leave you… Never.”

His brows knit together, his features softening a bit, and I add, “With all that happened during the pregnancy and then Kira’s arrival, I’d forgotten about the stupid deal and the divorce papers. Do you think I am that cruel, to lead you on? Months of happiness, love, and family only to pack my bags and leave?”

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