Page 36 of Mine to Worship

His facial muscles strain to keep that smile on while his eyes lack any sparkle.

“But can you sign the papers after our baby is born? I would like to give our baby my name, and to be here for you during your pregnancy. I mean if that’s okay with you.”

What is happening right now? The answer crashes on me and my eyes widen at the realization.

He’s giving me all the control.

Chapter 16

Kian

I thought she would be happy. Why does she look horrified after seeing the papers? I thought she wanted her freedom more than anything else. Ellia places the papers on the table and tilts her head.

“Okay,” she says, gifting me more time to be here with her, to have the privilege of seeing my baby grow inside her. I could drop on my knees and thank her for yet another gift I am not worthy of. It’s the last I will take.

Emotions punch at my chest. “Thank you.”

I gulp a glass of water down. If only she knew that my love for her is the motivation behind every beat of my heart, maybe then she’d believe me that I would do anything for her. I’d make sure she had everything she ever wanted. I’d pay whatever cost, a thousand times over.

In the living room, I sink back into the couch and pull my phone from my pocket. Since the moment she sent the picture this morning, all I can do is stare at the tiny wonder. I can’t believe I have created a life. That little dot is my baby.

Tiredness weighs me down and I close my eyes.

For a brief second when I open them, I believe she’s an actual angel. Her long hair falls in soft curls down my chest, a halo over her head in the green of the bandana, her touch on my cheeks infusing some feelings in my numb core.

“How long did I sleep?” My voice is gruff with sleep, and when I glance outside, darkness is breaking through the trees, chasing the last of the sun away.

“All day,” she says in a high pitch voice filled with worry. She studies me like she knows I barely slept since our separation. Her hand trembles against my cheek, and I place mine on hers.

“Did something happen? You should have woken me up.”

“We’re fine,” she says and brings my hand to her stomach to reassure me.

It’s pure torture looking at the woman I love, but never deserved. A cliff wedges between my ribs, making it hard to breathe. Her eyes well up. I can’t bear to see her sad, so I go change.

We head out to her aunt’s lodge later that evening. Ellia’s eyes dart to the forest and images of me taking her invade my mind and screw with my sanity. I doubt her power over me will ever decrease.

“How was Las Vegas?” she asks.

“The same,” I answer. There’s nothing there for me without you anymore.

She searches my eyes, but for what? She can ask me anything, I’d shed every layer of skin for her to peel at my bare soul.

Chapter 17

Ellia

When Kian opens the door to our lodge, I head upstairs. Alone in the bedroom, the night passes in a haze of frustration, suppressed love, desire, and need. I give up on chasing sleep and stomp to the bathroom, hoping a hot shower will help. I undress slowly, and I feel him. My skin pebbles with goosebumps whenever he’s near. His eyes travel up my body, hooded with restrained desire, his entire being frozen on the spot.

He says in a guttural voice, “I thought you were sick. I came to check on you.”

“I can’t sleep.”

His Adam’s apple moves up and down, his eyes sweeping me from head to toe.

With exhilaration tingling on my skin and want unfurling in my belly, I step inside the shower. Water cascades down my shoulders and his eyes don’t waver from mine.

His entire body trembles as if indecision and desire are at war inside him.

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