Page 110 of Notorious

“Thanks.” I want to crawl into him. He’s just so comforting—this solid guy. His mental state has been fragile, but physically, he’s a powerhouse. I can lean on him. “You act like I’m something special,” I blurt.

“I should hope so, because you are. Don’t you feel it when we’re together?”

I do, but I still have lingering doubts, because I’ve seen how he is on camera. And I’m cranky, so my fears come spilling out. “Am I? Because it seems like you’re like this with everyone.” I wave my hand and huff. “You call them all darlin’ or precious or baby.”

Johnny shakes his head. “Darlin’, yes. Baby, maybe. But you’re the only person I’ve ever called precious.”

My knees give way, and he catches me. “I am?”

“You are.” He kisses me again. “Don’t you realize …” He steps back and scrubs a hand down his face. “I wish I had better words to tell you how much you’ve done for me.”

“It’s my parents’ money?—”

“I don’t mean the money. Or rather, that’s part of it, sure—and I’ll pay you back?—”

“I don’t want you to?—”

“Stop. This is getting all messed up.” His eyes drill into me, intent. “What I’m saying is that you had the strength and presence of mind to save me from myself, even when you knew I’d be ornery about it.”

“You weren’t that ornery.”

“Dammit, Kurt, let me talk. You saved me—and my mama, and maybe my baby sister, too—but that’s not why you’re precious to me. You’re precious because of your big ol’ heart. You’re precious because you have this inner goodness. Because you’re burrowing in here.” He puts his hand over his chest. “It has nothing to do with your money or how goddamn handsome you are and all to do with who you are inside.”

“Who is that?” I whisper.

“Someone incredible.”

I try to let that sink in for a minute. Try to believe it the way I want him to believe he’s important and worthwhile and, yes, precious. “Is there some way I can get you to stop trying to pay me back?” I ask, because talking about all the compliments he just gave me is more than I can handle. “Any way at all?”

“If there’s a way you can understand how much you mean to me.” He pauses. “Also, stop worrying about the election. Whether you wanna quit tonight or take it all the way, no matter what, I’ll support you. If you win, good. If you don’t, fine. We’ll find you another meaningful job.”

“Thanks.” I grin at him. “Now I know what you mean about words being inadequate.”

He nods and kisses me again. “Let me take Lady out for a walk. Then I’ll show you how hot you were when you were advocating up on that stage.”

He does as he promises, devouring me in our bed, and I love every minute.

CHAPTER 37

Johnny

The following Tuesday morning, Kurt drops me off in front of an office tower in downtown Los Angeles. He gives me a quick kiss and a “You got this” before I get out of the car. I smooth down the lapels of the new suede jacket that he bought me, which I’m wearing with a white western shirt, a bolo tie, tight black jeans, and my old boots. I feel physically comfortable, but my nerves are swarming like bees emerging angry from a hive.

I walk into the lobby to meet Noah and Danny. Today’s the day this case is scheduled for mediation. But all I can think is that it’s the day I have to face my fucking rapist.

Even if he never actually stuck his dick in me, he’s the one who orchestrated the whole thing. It makes me sick. No matter what his legal defenses are, he’s a goddamn criminal.

I dunno how much therapy I’m going to need when this lawsuit is over. Because I goddamn know the assault wasn’t my fault … yet I still blame myself for letting my guard down. For not making sure that I knew every single thing that was going to happen. For letting myself be tricked. I feel like a damn fool.

My lawyers are waiting for me, and we take the elevator up into the sky. At the top of this big, tall building, I feel removed from the real world.

I need my husband. My dog. I need to get out of here. I need …

“We won’t do a joint session,” Noah says as we step out of the elevator and into the foyer of the mediation company, or whatever it’s called. “You likely won’t see Gary at all. We’ll be in separate rooms.”

I cough. I’m glad. Relieved. I never want to see his evil face again. But at the same time, it seems, I don’t know. Like I’m taking a shortcut. Like I should face the one I’m accusing and look him in the eye.

But I doubt that would do any good. He’s rotten to the core. Me telling him what I think of him isn’t going to change a damn thing. The only way we could ever hurt him is in his pocketbook.

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