Page 126 of Notorious

“He could, but it’s going to be difficult for him to win, and he’d have to post a bond for the amount he owes first,” Danny says.

Truth be told, I hadn’t been counting on any money. I’d just been so hurt that I wanted Gary brought to justice. Is this what justice feels like?

Twelve strangers agreed that bad shit happened to me, and that Gary should be punished.

I suppose I shouldn’t be as blasé as that. It does feel good to be believed.

It’s finally over. Unless he appeals, which I … am gonna choose not to think about. Not right now. There’s nothing I can do about it, so go away, bad thoughts.

“Assuming he doesn’t appeal, how long until I get the money?” I ask.

Danny sighs. “That’s the thing. We have ways of collecting, but it’s not automatic. The court doesn’t supervise payment. And I think Gary won’t pay unless he’s pressed. Don’t worry, we’ll press him. Just … be prepared to not see the money for a while.”

I nod, but Kurt has a strange expression on his face. “Do you mind giving me the firm’s wiring information?” he asks Danny.

Danny raises an eyebrow but says, “No, I don’t mind. I’ll have Alden send it to you. He’s our bookkeeper.” He blushes. “And my partner.”

When we get home, I feel like a zombie. All the emotion of hearing that verdict come back has burned out of me, and I am … done. As we leave our shoes by the door, Lady jumps up on me and gives me kisses, which wake me up.

“Let’s put her in her crate, and I’ll take you to bed,” Kurt says.

It’s not even seven, but fine. She’s got a comfy crate, so I don’t mind putting her in it.

“I’m not sure if I’m in the mood for sex,” I admit.

“That’s not what I had in mind,” he says.

“No?”

“I figured you might need to decompress.”

My face crumples. I’ve been working so hard to hold it together, and the fact that Kurt sees that, sees me? It makes me love him even more.

We take off our suits and climb into bed in our underwear. Kurt pushes me onto my back and then climbs on top of me, kissing me and wrapping his arms around my neck.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too.”

After a few minutes, he rolls us so he’s the one on his back, and I shift over so my ear is on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat.

That steady beat is prettier than any noise I’ve ever heard. And I realize I’m not hearing violins anymore.

I burst out crying. “Fuck,” I whisper. “This was a whole lotta shit to go through.”

“I know, babe. Get it out. Get it all out.”

Clinging to Kurt, I cry out everything. I cry out the hate and anger. The rage. The shame. I cry out how fucking hurt I was at being assaulted and then at not being believed. I weep for the shame of being a sex worker—when people want sex workers. I cry for my mama and her illness. I cry in relief for her body seeming to accept Kurt’s mama’s kidney.

I cry for the sweet support of my darling husband, who’s stayed by my side, even when it got tough.

He’s as loyal as they come.

He doesn’t say anything. Just holds me and gives me the freedom to let out all the feelings I’ve been caging up for months … years … decades.

At the end, when I’m all cried out, I have a damn headache. Kurt brings me pain relievers and takes me into the shower, where the hot water washes away all the crud.

Then he orders pizza.

---