Page 27 of Notorious

Still, there’s a burning sensation in my chest. Kind of like … jealousy? Because I don’t like the idea of Kurt giving his heart to someone else.

Kurt seems to read the look on my face. “Sam and I were never really dating,” he says.

“No?”

“No. We used to mess around some when we were first stuck together,” he admits, “but he and I are really just good friends. We got along great and photographed well, so we were good public faces, but I never felt about him the way I’d want to feel about a potential partner. Our relationship was something our relatives made up because it played well to suburban liberals.” He takes on a mocking tone. “‘The governor’s grandson and the lieutenant governor’s son are in a long-term relationship. Look how stable same-sex couples can be. Isn’t that nice?’”

I relax at the news that they weren’t dating, and his words make me chuckle despite everything. “You sound slightly cynical.”

“I’m more than slightly cynical.” He gives me a tentative smile. “It wasn’t the best idea. But your plan was worse. Killing yourself’s not the answer.”

“I thought it was the best solution.”

“But you know that’s not true, right?”

“I’ll allow that convincing myself a bad idea’s a good idea is a very bad idea,” I mutter. “But I’m stuck. How else can I help her? I can’t let her die. Not when I could get the money to save her.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he says. “I’ll help you.”

My face, neck, and ears go impossibly hot at the idea of having to rely on anyone, but not so much that I refuse his offer. Because I’ll do literally anything for Mama. Even set aside my pride.

Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe my pride has gotten in the way of me listening to a few good ideas.

I’m a loser whether I have pride or not.

It’s not like being with him is a hardship. He’s gorgeous, and he’s not at all an asshole. Not huge praise, sure, but I’ve been in the dating desert so long that the lizards know my name. Kurt’s fresh rain on dry earth.

He’s more than that. He might be my salvation.

“So you’ll come home with me?” Kurt asks again.

After a long moment, I nod at him.

He smiles and nods back.

CHAPTER 10

Johnny

After we eat breakfast, I get up to take a shower, but before I can get into the bathroom, Kurt slides past me, grabs the rest of my pills out of my toiletry bag, and puts all of them, along with the derringer, in the plastic laundry bag provided by the hotel.

“Leave the door open, okay?” he says. “I’ll be in the next room if you need anything.” Like I don’t know how to shower on my own.

I feel lower than a snake’s belly when I realize that he doesn’t trust me to be alone. But I s’pose I’ve earned that lack of trust. I get him back by coming out in nothing but a towel and getting dressed in front of him. Serves him right for giving me no privacy.

His eyes flare with interest. So, okay. He’s attracted to me. Maybe he’d want to mess around—if the time was right.

A flicker of heat ignites inside me. I can’t remember the last time that happened. Everything’s been so dull for so long, but with Kurt, it’s like there’s this candle lighting up something I thought was gone forever.

Even feeling bad, I can dream and wish.

For him.

While I was in the bathroom, Kurt put on his tuxedo pants, shirt, jacket, and shoes. Looks like the tie and cummerbund are in the laundry bag he’s holding.

Classic walk-of-shame attire … just with an extra gun and some pills.

“Do you have anything else on you?” he asks. “Anything that you could use to self-harm, I mean. Knives, razors?”

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