Page 4 of Notorious

Before The Incident.

Tawni pokes my chest teasingly. “I havta say, getting a lifetime achievement award, Johnny? You’re not that old.”

I hook my thumbs in my pants pockets. “No, I ain’t.”

“How old are you, anyway?” she asks, twirling a lock of her long hair.

I tell her.

“That’s my point!”

“You’re too kind,” I say, scratching the back of my neck.

“Aww, no. You’re kind. You’re actually the best.” Someone calls out her name, and she turns to them and waves. Then she turns back to me and chirps, “Congrats, babe! Love you,” and squeezes me again before zipping off to go squeal at someone else before I can say it back. Damn adorable woman.

She managed to distract me from my dark mood, but it returns like the tide. I smooth down my jacket and bite down on my bottom lip. Get through this.

Ace Dalton, my agent, approaches and shakes my hand. “Congratulations, Johnny. This is a big night for you!”

“Yeah, thanks, Ace. Appreciate it.”

“Did you get the flowers I sent?”

“I sure did. Thank you much.” He sent a bouquet of pink roses along with a generic note, likely dictated by his assistant. The thought counts, I guess.

“You doing okay? Seems you’ve been down in the dumps.”

I keep myself from barking out a laugh. Dumps? The dumps look like paradise from where I am. “Yeah, okay, I guess.”

Ace gives me a hard look. “Your mom okay?”

Fuck. “Dialysis sucks. Takes away her quality of life something fierce. She’s … going to be better.”

“Oh? You get some good news?”

“No, but any day now,” I say. If I have anything to say about it. “I’m sure she’ll get a transplant.”

“I’m pulling for her. And for you, of course. I’ve been shopping you around,” he says, “but no luck so far.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Stay camera ready. We’ll find you a new project soon enough.” He opens his mouth to say something else, but the emcee gets up and asks us to take our seats. I heave out a breath of relief. I timed getting to this event perfectly and managed to miss having to mingle too much.

I’m seated with nine other honorees at a highlighted front table. We’re served a salad, some kind of chicken with vegetables, and fancy-shaped potatoes, but I don’t eat much. My nerves are too jangly.

They start the award presentations during dessert. Since mine will be last, I have plenty of time to consider what I’m going to say. This is my final chance to open my mouth and tell these people what I think of them. My lawyers told me to keep my mouth shut, but I have to give a speech of some kind or another.

Ideas war inside my head. Do I simply say thank you and zip my lip? Do I tell them exactly how rotten some of them are? Or do I take this opportunity to make things better and share my ideas to improve the industry?

Well, I hope it’d be making things better. Heck, maybe I’d make them worse if I opened my trap.

I’m a damn disappointment.

When it’s my turn, jitters go through me like a tornado through a trailer park.

The emcee has slick black hair and is wearing a shiny silver tuxedo. “Our final honoree is someone who needs no introduction, but I’m going to do it anyway,” he says. “A pioneer in many different online formats, he’s starred in films for the past seventeen years and has among the most streaming views of all male entertainers. He’s hot and popular, and the fans voted him to receive our highest honor, a lifetime achievement award. Please join me and put your hands together for Velvet the Cowboy.” He gestures toward me with an open palm, as if to say “Ta-da!”

Finding my smile and pasting it on, I rise and wave at the crowd. While people at a few tables, including the one that I’m at, are giving me a standing ovation, some in the back and on the sides have dour expressions, arms crossed over their chests.

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