Page 47 of Notorious

This is a dream come true, and he’s as good as I suspected he’d be. On top of that, the scenario is surreal. I’ve imagined him doing this so many times—and watched it on-screen—but feeling his hot, wet suction and tongue makes my knees weak.

His big hands pull me to him as I rut into his mouth. He doesn’t seem to have a gag reflex, which is un-fucking-believable, and his finger is nudging my prostate, and I’m about to explode.

“Keep this up, and I’m gonna—” I warn.

He nods quickly, clear permission.

I get to the edge and let myself go over, coming hard with the extra-good feel of that internal massage. I keep thrusting gently even after I finish, needing the come-down, loving how he lets me use his mouth.

I kind of collapse to the floor, then get to my knees, pushing him down on his back, wanting to return the favor. I reach for his fly, but he puts a hand on top of mine, stilling it. “I’m good, darlin’.”

I look at him quizzically. “You sure?” Because it feels like he’s almost … shunning me.

Johnny coughs. “Yeah. Not quite in the mood. I’m … good. I don’t always need to bust a nut.”

I want to tempt him, but I can listen to what he’s saying and trust that he knows his own needs. I tuck myself back into my pants, and we both sit on the floor. I tug him over and kiss him. “Hey.” I smile against his lips. “You made me feel really good just now.” I want to thank him, but that seems maybe cringey and clumsy—things I’m good at. I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking this.

“I’m glad, darlin’.”

CHAPTER 17

Johnny

Kurt’s curled up into me here on the floor. I’d suck his gorgeous cock again in a heartbeat—anything to delay contact with the outside world. Plus, I like making him wild—he deserves some sexy experiences in his life. I can give him those.

Instead, I say something distinctly unsexy. “Can I admit I’m nervous about going to the therapist? It won’t be like talking to you. I don’t know how I feel about talking to a stranger.” Some people might argue that Kurt is almost a stranger, but he doesn’t feel like one. Not at all.

He smiles at me. “Want me to go with you to the appointment? I mean, I’m going to drive you, but if it would help, I could sit in on the session.”

Usually, I’m intensely private. But look where being private got me: a gun and piles of pills. In many ways, Kurt’s the safest person on the planet for me, because he doesn’t know me and doesn’t seem to be judging me. I’m not getting a pitying vibe from him, either. Just a genuine desire to help—and maybe a bit of a crush on me.

Which is fine, because I’ve got a big crush on him. Despite how blue I’ve been, he makes me … not happy, but as happy as I can be under the circumstances. I want him, and he’s one of the few things that breaks through the fog and pain.

“I reckon I’d like you to come in with me,” I admit.

Too weak to handle my own problems.

Kurt nods and kisses me. “I’d be happy to. I promise I’ll be respectful of anything you say, and I’ll never use any of it against you. Ever.”

There goes my heart warming up to him even more. The last place I want to go is to a therapist’s office, but Kurt’s right. I need to. He’s talked me into having a sliver of hope that I could feel better.

Why do I believe him? Maybe it’s because he’s new to my life and has a fresh perspective … and I’ve got nothing else to lose. I do have things to gain, though. I might be able to save my mama and be around to see her healthy again.

And maybe be able to spend more time with Kurt.

For Mama, and for him, I’m gonna do my best to fix what’s going on inside my head.

We get tidied up, but we still have a little time before we need to leave. “Mind if I call my mama real quick?” I ask.

“No, of course not. I’ll let you be.” He heads out to the balcony while I dial her number from the couch, my eyes on the ocean outside—and him. Mama answers immediately.

“Hey,” I say. “How are y’all?”

“I’m as pleased as a pup with two tails,” she says, but she sounds even more frail than usual, and I know she’s fibbin’. “Now that I hear your voice.”

I ask her about her doctor’s appointments and her caregiver and my sister. Once we’ve exhausted those topics, I can’t avoid talking about me. “So, I have some news.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

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