Page 65 of Notorious

“I miss you, too, precious.”

My cheeks heat, but I need to confess something. “What would you think about … What would you think if I watched one … or some … of your videos while you’re here? Too creepy? You know I’m a fan. I’m proud of you. I’ve always liked the way you present yourself in them. And it … it makes me feel closer to you. Even before we met, I’ve never thought of you as an object on the screen, but just … hot.”

Johnny gives me a rare unreserved smile. “I think I’d be honored.”

“Phew,” I say. “Because I watched a favorite one last night.” That makes him chuckle, and given how depressed he’s been, that chuckle seems like a full-on belly laugh.

“You do what you need to do to make yourself feel good until I get outta here and I can act out those scenes for you in person. Sound good?”

“Yes.” The promise in his voice makes me tremble. “I don’t want to force you, though. If you’re not feeling it, you don’t have to, well, perform on my account.”

He shrugs. “I can still take care of you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What if I want to?”

I smile. “Then I’ll accept whatever you want to give.”

“And I’ll not mind a bit if you need to get your hot self off.” He closes his eyes. “Now that’s a pretty thought.”

My face flushes more, and I kiss him to make him quiet.

I visit again the next day, and we talk about how Johnny had some time with a therapist one-on-one and that he’s been trying to be as open as possible, but it’s hard. I’m so curious, but I don’t want to push him to tell me more than he wants to. I’m here to support him any way I can, but I’m not his doctor. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

“What have you been doing?” he asks me.

“Ugh, so much. Fundraising. Doing mailers. Coordinating volunteers. Prepping for the pre-primary debate—that’s a big one. It’ll be televised. And while I think most people ignore those, since I’m now notorious, I suspect there’s going to be more interest than usual, so I need to be ready.”

“Notorious? You mean because of … us?”

I nod. “It’s … a media shitstorm. The conservative press has latched onto the story and is using it against the entire party.” My cheeks heat. “We were in a lot of other people’s selfies in Vegas, so we’re popping up all over the place.” I sigh.

“What?”

“I don’t wanna pile shit on you when you’re busy getting better.”

“I’d rather hear the truth,” Johnny says. “Keeps me from making up stuff.”

“Well … Santangelo—the incumbent—is using you against me. I hate that society thinks that way.”

He shakes his head. “I’m used to it. Maybe it’s weird, but I was never ashamed of being in porn.” He grins ruefully. “I’m ashamed of plenty of other stuff, but not that. Don’t let it bother your pretty head.”

“I’m trying not to. But it’s hard, because the criticism’s everywhere. You’d think that, with both of us in the same political party, Santangelo wouldn’t be so harsh … but nope. I guess it’s fair, since I’m challenging him, but it still feels crappy. Maybe I’ll get him in the debate.”

“How are you feeling about that?”

“Disillusioned. I can talk passionately about issues for days, and I’ve worked with my campaign strategist and Paige on the talking points, so I have them down by heart. We practice with them lobbing questions at me on a variety of topics.” I sigh. “But I’m so far behind in the polls that I don’t think there’s any chance of winning.”

“This coming from the optimist?” he says.

“Yeah. This coming from the optimist. I have to try, though.”

“You don’t, actually. I’ll support you in whatever you want, but Mama says there’s no shame in quitting if the deck is stacked against you.”

“She sounds smart.”

“I think her actual words were ‘You can warm your socks in the oven, but that don’t make ’em biscuits.’”

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