Page 71 of Truck Me

He shifts his gaze to me and there’s a sadness there that has my heart cracking right down the middle.

“She died right after giving birth to me. Even though I never knew her, it still had a huge impact on me and my life. I know what it’s like. It’s hard. No kid should ever have to live with that. I guess you could say that drew me to Rayne. She deserves to have a normal, balanced life. If I can help give her that, even in small ways, I will.”

We hold each other’s gaze for a few minutes before I finally pick up my coffee and take a drink. It’s enough to break the growing tension between us.

“I hate that you experienced that. I see how hard it’s been on Rayne. She’s so curious about Carol, and I wish I could give her what she needs. She needs a female role model, and I’m trying to be that for her. But she needs more. A dad, maybe. At least you had that.”

He huffs. “If you can call it that. Dad was there, but not really present. He never recovered from losing mom.”

His eyes glaze over, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more he’s thinking. More he’s feeling. Does he blame himself?

My instinct is to tell him I’m sorry, but I don’t. He doesn’t need my pity. I suspect he needs a friend more.

I reach across the table and squeeze his arm. He gives me a faint smile before he picks up his coffee.

“You miss Carol,” he says it as a statement not a question. “I can’t imagine losing one of my brothers.”

I nod. “Losing her is largely why I rarely came home. It’s hard being here without her. She wasn’t just my sister. She was my best friend.” I pause, feeling my eyes stink with tears. I squeeze them close to fight them back. “And yet I feel like she had so many secrets she kept from me that last year.”

His eyes snap to mine in a way that draws concern. “Like what?”

“Well, like who Rayne’s father is. She refused to tell us. She used to tell me everything, but we grew apart that last year. It felt like she was punishing me for moving away. Then we lost her and …” I feel myself getting choked up again, so I pause, take a drink of my coffee, and take a few deep breaths. “Losing her like we did broke me in a way I can’t describe. It took me a few years before I felt like I could breathe normally again. I lost my sister before we could mend our relationship. Living with that is hard.”

This time he’s the one to reach across the table. He takes my hand and laces our fingers together. It’s an intimate and caring gesture that has my heart pounding in my chest.

“I should probably get going. With any luck, I can sneak home before everyone else gets up. No need to feed the town gossip.”

He nods and releases my hand. I go to stand and grab the plates.

“Don’t.” He rests his hand on mine. “I’ll clean up. It’s the least I can do since you made breakfast.”

I smile and set the plates back down. “Okay. So, I guess I’ll see you later.”

I turn and grab my coat from where I hung it by his front door. Just as I get both arms in it, he grabs me and pulls me into him.

He cups my cheek and stares down at me with an intensity that has my nerves on high alert. “Thanks for breakfast. It was nice.”

Then he kisses me. It’s soft and sweet, almost loving. And it leaves me even more confused and tied up in knots.

Because now I like Garret Mutter even more than I did before.

Chapter 16

When I can’t turns into I must.

Garret

Today has been an unusual day. I got the same number of calls I expect to get to fill the open spaces in my schedule. I’ve been busy, but not swamped. Workwise, it’s been a fairly typical day.

The difference is I’m happy.

I can’t recall the last time I’ve truly felt happy. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve ever been happy before. My life hasn’t been easy.

Living with the invisible wounds I have doesn’t lead to a life of happiness. It leads to misery, anger, self-loathing, and an unwavering and unhealthy level of self-hatred.

I’ve got all of those things in spades.

And yet … There’s a bright spot of sunshine that’s broken through my defenses and soothed all of those ugly scars that have marred my soul for far too long.

---