Page 21 of Psycho Saints

"I'm sorry. I... I fucked up. I know that." His voice was a whisper against the charged silence.

"Fucked up?" The laugh that escaped me was hollow. I couldn't help that I wanted to shove away this apology, to not believe him in the slightest. How could I? "That's putting it mildly, don't you think?" I could feel the bitter edge to my tone, and his jaw clenched. The world hadn't just tilted with what he'd done; it had shattered, leaving me to sift through the shards of what I thought I knew, what I dared to hope for in the quiet stillness of Cristian's unexpected tenderness. He'd proved it all to be a lie, that he was truly a monster beneath the softness he'd shown.

He ran a hand through his hair, frustration evident in every movement. "I don't know how to fix this, Scarlet. But I want to. I need to."

"Why?" I demanded, the word tearing from my throat like a ragged plea. "So you can feel better about yourself? So you can pretend you're not a monster?"

Cristian's jaw clenched, the muscle ticking with the force of his restraint. "I am a monster. I know that," he admitted, his voice a low growl that seemed to resonate with the truth of his words. "But with you... I want to be better. I want to be someone worthy of you." His deep brown eyes locked onto mine, searching for a glimmer of hope.

I scoffed, the sound sharp and bitter. "You can't just erase what you did," I said, my voice trembling with the effort it took to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm me. "You can't take back the pain, the fear... You can't just expect me to forget the way you shattered my world, Cristian."

He flinched at my words, as if each one were a physical blow. "I know," he whispered, the admission barely audible. "But I can try to make amends. I can try to show you that I truly care for you, that I want to protect you, not hurt you." His hand reached towards me, hesitating in the space between us. The air was charged with the weight of our past, the echoes of his actions reverberating through the silence that followed.

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes. "How can I ever trust you again?"

Cristian's brow pinched together, pain swimming in his dark eyes as he drew in a sharp breath. "I don't expect you to trust me right away. I know I have to earn that. But please, Scarlet, give me a chance to prove myself to you."

I sat there, torn, every instinct screaming at me to flee, to protect myself from the potential heartache that lingered in the air like a thick fog. Yet, there was this persistent tug at my heartstrings, an inexplicable pull towards Cristian that defied all logic. Despite the betrayal, the pain, and the shattered trust, a part of me—a foolish, hopeful part—wanted to believe that he could truly change.

I was my own worst enemy, and I knew that.

My voice was a fragile thing, scarcely more than a whisper when I finally broke the silence. "I can't promise anything," I confessed, my gaze fixed on the glass of iced water, a few beads of condensation forming on the side. "But... I'll try. To listen, at least." It was all I could offer at that moment.

The transformation on Cristian's face was immediate as relief softened the hard lines of his features, making him look almost boyish with hope. "That's all I ask, kitten," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "That's all I ask." His hand, which had been suspended in the space between us, finally closed the distance, gently enveloping mine on the table. It was a simple gesture, but it spoke volumes.

He sighed as he released my hand after a few moments, his fingers lingering just a second longer as if reluctant to break the connection. His eyes, those deep brown depths that could be so wild one moment and so tender the next, studied me carefully as I took the last few bites of my meal. I couldn't bring myself to waste such exquisite food.

"I know my brain is broken, Scarlet," Cristian said, his voice soft and vulnerable in a way that made my heart clench. "But I do think this is what we both need. We've lost a lot in our lives, had so much taken from us." His words were sharp and pained, but his eyes were unwavering as they held mine. "A child of ours would be protected and loved by all of us, no matter who the father is. As would you. You'd be the mother of a Silvestri heir, a jewel of this family to be cherished and respected."

The weight of his words settled over me, a mix of fear and something dangerously close to longing swirling in my chest. Cristian leaned forward, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that made me want to look away, but I couldn't. "I know my brothers are treating you well now," he said, a hint of possessiveness creeping into his tone.

I nodded, unable to deny it. "They are," I admitted softly.

"I will be better," Cristian promised, his voice thick with determination and a hint of desperation that caught me off guard. "For you. I promise you that, Scarlet. I'll do whatever it takes."

I shook my head, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice. "That doesn't seem possible after everything, Cristian. You can't just erase what's happened with pretty words and promises."

His jaw clenched, a muscle ticking beneath his skin, but his eyes remained soft, almost pleading. It was a look I'd never seen on him before, and it made my chest tighten uncomfortably. "I'll prove it to you," he insisted. "Every day if I have to. I know I've fucked up, but I'm not giving up on this... on us."

He rose suddenly, the abrupt movement making me flinch instinctively. But instead of approaching me, he moved to fetch something from the kitchen. "We should enjoy dessert first," he said, returning with two elegant dishes that looked far too fancy for the likes of me.

A flicker of surprise passed through me as I recognized the dessert he set before me – crème brûlée, a dish that seemed far too delicate and refined for the man now sitting down across from me. I eyed the dessert suspiciously, my paranoia kicking in despite myself. Old habits die hard, especially when you've been through what I have. "Is this your special recipe?" I asked, only half-joking. With Cristian, you never really knew, and the last thing I needed was to be drugged again. Either that or being high when we needed to figure things out sober.

A smirk played at his lips, a flash of the dangerous man I knew lurking beneath the surface. "No, not laced, kitten," he assured me, his use of that pet name sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. "Just a little something sweet... like you."

Despite my reservations and unease, I took a bite. The rich, creamy texture and perfectly caramelized top surprised me. It was delicious.

"I wanted to do something extra special for you," Cristian explained, watching me eat with a hint of pride in his eyes. "I learned to make it before. Burnt the first one, but this one turned out good."

As I finished the dessert, Cristian's demeanor shifted slightly. "The three of us had a plan," he said, his voice low and intense. "It didn't seem like the right time before. Something for you, to show how important you are to us."

I frowned, uncertainty creeping in. "So, tonight it is," he continued, standing up and extending his hand to me. "Come with me."

Every instinct screamed at me to refuse, to stay put, to not trust this man who had hurt me so deeply. But curiosity and that damned pull I felt towards him won out. Against my better judgment, I found myself placing my hand in his, the warmth of his skin against my own sending a jolt of electricity coursing through my veins.

"I should know better," I muttered, more to myself than to him.

Cristian's grip tightened slightly, not painfully, but reassuringly. "Trust me, kitten. Just this once."

---