When I remain silent, she says, "Did something happen between you guys? Everything was fine when you left."
"I don't know." I hate the way my voice breaks as I barely get the words out. "She's just gone, and she won't talk to me."
"Maybe I can talk to her for you," Bea suggests.
I shake my head. "You don't have to do that. Just stay in touch with her and ask her if she's okay."
Bea nods. "Okay, I'll do that."
After Bea is gone back to her desk, I can barely hold on to the sadness spilling out of me. I quickly rub my tears away and focus on the work at hand.
Before Bea leaves for the day, she peeks into my office again. "Jake, when are you leaving?"
"Soon," I lie. I've been sleeping on the couch in my office for the past few days. I can't bear to go back home.
"Are you sure? I know I'm probably not allowed to say stuff like this, but you kind of look terrible. Have you been sleeping at all?"
"I'm fine, Bea. You go home."
"Okay." She takes one last, long look at me before she leaves.
I walk up to the window and watch the city below me. No time has passed since I was twenty and watching my best friend walk out of my life, the person who meant the most in the world to me. The love of my life.
I could make peace with myself knowing what I did, but this time, it’s worse. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.
***
"Where have you been?" Henry asks. "We haven't seen you in ages."
"We thought you were dead or something," Chris says.
The loud music of the bar makes it impossible for me to hear anything unless they're practically screaming at my face. It's Friday night, and the place is jam packed. I don't care for a place like this but Henry has been leaving messages for me for the past month, and he even came by the office to see me. I couldn't keep avoiding them forever.
Chris suggested the bar only a few blocks away from my office. It was convenient, and I didn't have to think too much about it.
I take a long swig of the whiskey, finishing it in one go.
"You might want to slow down," Henry says, shooting me a skeptical look.
"Yeah, dude. Are you okay? I mean, you aren't dead, but you look close to it," Chris says, frowning. “We should get you a woman or two. Maybe that will perk you right up. I know it perks me up.”
My stomach rumbles, threatening to eject its contents. I can’t even think about other women.
"What's wrong with you?" Henry says. "Seriously, man, talk to us. You've been shutting us down for months now. What's going on with you?"
"Uh oh, is this about a girl?" Chris says. "You were pretty down after you broke with…what was that name of the girl you dated in college? Kiera?"
I look up at him sharply. Chris has a weird look on his face. “Oh, sorry, that was me. Yours was named Adeline.”
“Let’s not bring that up now. But this is way worse," Henry comments.
"There's something I haven't told you." There's no point hiding it from them anymore.
"What have you been hiding from us?" Chris says.
I frown. I don’t know how to place it, but something about it seems off.
"I was seeing Kiera," I say.