Page 94 of Alien God

“I’ll have you,” I echoed dully. “Ah, yes. My fake husband. No real life with him. No children.”

“You want children?” He sounded startled.

“Yes! You would know that if you’d asked,” I said. Being single back home, it wasn’t exactly something on my near horizon, but it was always something I’d wanted eventually. I was twenty-nine now, and I’d started thinking about the subject more and more with the approach of my thirtieth birthday.

“Well,” he said, a new gruffness catching in his throat, “I’ll get you a pet.”

“A pet!” I exclaimed, my eyes wide, my mouth opening in offended shock. As if a pet would replace an entire future with a man I loved. A family of my own.

“Yes. A pet. And, like I said, you won’t have no one, you’ll have me. I cannot make you pregnant, but if you should require anything else, I will provide it as your husband.”

“Anything else?” I seethed, having a feeling I knew where he was going with this and just daring him to say it.

“If you should ever require... companionship. Relations, as you call it, I will be the one to provide it to you.”

Provide it to me. As if it was some service I needed, like an oil change, instead of a real connection with someone.

“You’re saying if I want to fuck someone, it has to be you, then? For the rest of my life?” I asked, my voice rising higher and higher with every word until it reached a pitchy, furious warble.

“Yes,” he snapped. “It goes both ways, you know. I will take no other lovers, either.”

“Oh, poor you,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. It felt hot in the tube now, but I couldn’t tell if it was from his body heat or my anger. “You’ve had hundreds of years to fuck your way across the universe and now you’re stuck with only me.”

Oh, no. No, no, no. Was that jealousy?

“I can’t keep talking about this,” I said, tossing my hands in the air. I stormed out of the beautiful starfinder and didn’t stop until I’d reached one of the spread-out petals of this room’s walls, perpendicular to the ground far below. Too furious to be afraid, I kept walking until I neared the pointed edge.

I didn’t need to turn around to know that Wylfrael had followed me out. I felt his presence, even though the cold night air sucked away the warmth of him that had cradled me. He loomed behind me, a shadow I couldn’t shake.

“What?” I called brittlely without turning back to him. “Come out here to tell me what to do again? To tell me to be careful?”

“No,” he said softly. “Even if you slipped, even if you jumped, you’d never hit the ground.”

I finally did turn around to look at him. His wings flared open behind him, a silent, starry promise of protection and possession all wrapped up in one.

I’ll never be truly free.

Even if separated, even if he spent all his time doing whatever it was that the council needed him for, I’d never be free. Not really. I’d always be bound up in this, in him. The invisible, tightening layers of our agreement that had once felt like salvation and now just felt like ruin.

All my fury faded, crushed under sadness that made me double over, like someone had punched me in the solar plexus. My hands landed on my knees then disappeared, turning murky, and I realized it was because of tears in my eyes.

I couldn’t even be mad that I was crying in front of him yet again. In fact, a harsh, hurting part of me was glad for it. Good. Maybe he’ll run away again and leave me the hell alone.

But he didn’t. He was at my side instantly. He said nothing, and neither did I, as he scooped me up into his arms and carried me back towards the stairs. I could have fought him. I could have screamed.

I turned my face against his starlit chest – so warm, so fucking warm – and sobbed.

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