Page 30 of Vipers & Roses

“Well…I had a boyfriend who grew it so…”

I tip my head back, hoot in astonishment, and Mom joins in. This is the first time we’ve laughed together in…well…since before the fuckers the Pig, the Lion, and co, and then once physically healed, I moved away to my aunt’s ranch.

Thinking of Dad’s comment, “Maybe we should set a date for you to come over to Torres for a girls’ weekend. We could hit a spa, shop until our bank accounts are bare, and picnic by the lake.”

“Oh, Rae, I’d love to,” she says. She’s so genuinely pleased and grateful that I asked; unfortunately, I must go through with it. If I don’t plan something, she’ll be heartbroken. “When would be the best time?”

We’re getting ahead of ourselves, but I can’t avoid the inevitable now. “Um, so before the end of summer, I think would be the best. I’ll check my work roster.” I’m being non-committal here, but I still haven’t memorized my class schedule, and work can change from week to week.

“Marvelous,” she says, clapping her hands together. “That calls for a toast.”

“It does?” Wow, she’s making a big deal out of it. Now, I’m really screwed.

She raises her glass of Bacardi, squash, and Sprite and says, “Here’s to mothers and daughters reconnecting.”

I raise my non-alcoholic orange juice since I’m driving, although family pressure makes me want to drink. “Here’s to mothers and daughters,” we tap glasses before throwing back a gulp. My mom's glow of happiness is evident, yet all I can think is how I will get out of this. I can’t. Those are the things I can’t do.

“I need to use the ladies,” Mom slurs, a little tipsy, and pushes her chair back, smiling from ear to ear.

Just as she disappeared inside, I checked the time on my phone and decided to leave when she returned. The rolling waves crashing against the shore are therapeutic to my ears after being in the noisy city, and if Gavin wasn’t here, I could easily relax and stay longer. It's not that much longer, just a little longer.

Snapping my head up at the sound of footsteps ascending the wooden steps, I notice the top of Gavin’s head comes into view. I’m alone and don’t like this, so I assess the scene to anticipate my escape. He smiles at me, and I drop my head down to scroll on my phone while watching his movements under my eyelashes.

Slowly and deliberately, he steps my way and drags out a chair next to me, and parks his ass down.

“You’re not invited,” I hiss, glancing at the kitchen French doors to ensure Mom is not nearby.

He holds his hands up in surrender, and a slimy smirk worms across his face. “Have I done something wrong?”

“Don’t play dumb, Gavin,” I growl under my breath. “You know what you and the others did.”

His smarmy face creases in confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is the first time I’ve met you, Rae.”

I shudder at him using my name. “Cut the bullshit.”

Again, he fakes confusion. “I think you have me confused with someone else. As I have said twice, I have never met you before.”

“How’s Mike Lyons? Surely, you must still be in touch with him?” I open my mouth to add to the ammunition, but Mom steps out from the French doors onto the balcony, and I clam up.

“Oh, good. You’re getting to know each other,” she states, as if her family dream is complete with me and the new guy getting together.

I just can’t stomach this anymore. “Mom, I really have to go as I have a long drive back to Torres.”

“Rae, please stay over the night,” the pleading in her voice yanks on my heart, but the sacrifice is too high. If I stayed over, I’d have to spend more time with this man sitting near me, and already vomit was surging. Every inch of him is filth dug from a mire of lies, pain, and humiliation.

I push my chair back and stand to leave. I can’t deal with this. I have to go now. “No, I need to leave. I’m sorry, Mom.” I step towards her beautiful, disappointed face, hug her, and flee inside to shield the tears of anger brewing.

“What about your brothers and Dad?” she calls after me. “You can’t leave without saying goodbye. It’s his birthday.”

“I can’t…” is all I manage to say as I arrive at the front door and out onto the deck with Mom following.

“What happened, Rae? Please.” Her voice is filled with pain, and I can’t turn back to look at her, or else she’ll see my tears, and I’ll see her anguish at having a daughter so eager to cut herself off from the family. I desperately want to say to her, It’s not my fault, Mom, it’s not my fault, I’m this way.

“I’ll phone Dad and Rory later, maybe tomorrow,” I call back, opening my car door and climbing inside, still keeping my head low. I’m aware of how rude I’m being, but the roaring emotions of anger and grief inside me are too much that I’m about to crack. If I don’t leave now, she’ll see me at my worst, and I can’t have that.

Backing down the drive, I don’t look back as my heart pounds heavily against my ribcage, and nausea swells in my gut. Sweat dribbles down my back, and tears stain my cheeks as I drive to the end of the street. The further I get from the house, the lighter I feel, but I will need a reasonable explanation for when I call later. Or maybe I won’t because if they continue to have Gavin as part of the extended family, then I’m done.

The falling sun casts an orange-silver glow across the ocean’s surface as birds flock to the trees that line the streets. My body starts to relax into the seat as I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. I’m still trembling, and my skin feels icy cold and prickly, even though the temperature is still warm.

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