Page 36 of Cillian

“Pink or coral.”

“Well, I don’t know what coral is but pink is a color that suits you.”

“Oh, before I forget to ask, I could really use a sewing machine.”

“What for?”

“Well, I can't keep using your dress shirts all the time. And I only have the suitcase of clothes my papa sent me. Mistakes happen. Things break. I’d like to have something to mend things when they happen.”

“What do you need clothes for?” He flirted, and I swear, he was smiling wide on the other end. “All the things I like doing to you leaves them on the floor and tore up anyway,” he teased.

“Baby, I know. I just want to look well put together.”

“Listen, if you need clothes, I'll take you proper shopping the start of the weekend. You can buy anything you want.”

“Okay.”

“Is that okay, darling?” he asked to reconfirm.

“It is. Can’t wait!”

“Alright, well, I was just checking on you. My day’s going to be long and I could use your company to brighten up my day. Would you please wait up for me, darling? It would mean so much to me if you did.”

“Cillian, I already promised I would.”

“Yeah well, I’m not too proud to beg my woman. I fucking miss you, so please be awake,” he ended, wishing me goodbye as I decided it was time to take a shower.

***

“Last one, I swear it,” Bellamy laid the paper bag on the counter, accounting for everything Cillian had scribbled on the list.

“Thank you, Bellamy. I appreciate you taking time out your day to do this for me.

“Listen, we’re family now. You need something, just ask. And this ain’t just limited to me. The others, too. Sullivan’s, we take care of each other. I assume Cillian’s treating you okay?” He smiled, a bashful smile forming on my face.

“I know that look. Everything must be going grand. I think the two of you look grand together. I’m glad you stuck with your gut and waited until there was one of us that was better suited for you. I’m sure I could’ve made you happy but you’re good for Cilly. I’ve never seen him so happy to want to be home.” He leaned into hug me, whispering for me to save him a plate since it’s been a long time since he had soul food. At least there was one person in this family I didn’t have to explain Black stuff to.

I was going to surprise Cillian with a traditional Southern meal and because it was going to be a late night, I set my timer to start at ten, so it’d be hot and fresh when he came through the door.

I made a note to do laundry as I had nothing racy or tantalizing to wear, so I settled on another one of his dress shirts, patiently waiting until my alarm went off, and overboard I went with my cooking. I learned to cook from my mama, who learned to cook from hers, who learned to cook from hers, who did everything by the looks of things. The one thing I knew my papa was going to miss about me was my cooking, because while I learned from my mama, I always put in that extra effort when it came to presentation. I learned then that men were more visual.

Everything was coming around nicely but it worried me when I put the lid on the last side, and he still hadn’t walked in yet.

He said he'd be late but I didn't think he'd be this late. Were late nights going to be the norm for us? I wondered, my thoughts shifting back to our first night together, the time he slipped out on me.

What if walked through the door clothes bloodied, like last time? Did I really want to be up to find out? I wanted to see him and he seemed eager for me to wait up, but I was going to need something to keep me from sleeping.

Lying in this bed comfortable was not helping. Turning to the nightstand, I pulled out a small journal, scribbling down whatever came to me. I never thought it safe to keep a diary, but with all these new things on the horizon, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to document my thoughts sometimes. Anything to keep me from falling asleep.

I wrote down what it felt like to have Cillian taste me for the first time. I don’t know why my mind went straight to that but for some reason, it felt worthy of words. I articulated the wonder in his eyes when I caught him looking at me in my sleep.

Lastly, I captured the emotions I felt when I accepted his care and affection. Sure, we started off wrong but it was making itself right, the more time we spent together. Before I knew it, I’d filled up the pages, my thoughts and wishes keeping me alert for a whole extra hour. This time the clock read 12:13 and against my better judgement, I decided to opt for a quick nap, hoping it with give me the energy I needed to enjoy his presence.

Resting my eyes however, had been a huge mistake as before I knew it I had drifted off to lala land regretfully, breaking my earlier promise.

Fifteen

Cillian

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