Page 72 of Cillian

“Now I am nervous,” she admitted.

“Don't be, baby. Look at me.” She met her gaze to mine, as her trusting eyes disarming me like they always did. “I’m not going to do anything I don’t get permission with first, okay?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“I love you and I promise you, I’ll never let a day like today happen to you again, understood?” She nodded, meeting me halfway to meet in a kiss. “Only danger you have to worry about is me.”

When we reached the car, I put the smaller bag in the truck, dreading the request of her I was about to burden her with. “Jesus Christ, this is so hard to ask of you, given all you’ve been through.” Queenie squeezed my hand from the passenger seat, trying to mask her fear.

“But would it be too big an ask of you to wear a blindfold. Even if it’s just half the way?” Queenie became visibly tense, but came to an agreement when I explained it was for the darkness to full take hold. She took the compromise of half the way.

“Is the cabin nice?”

“For a cabin, yeah. I wouldn’t bring my wife to some dump, but it ain’t gonna be like the penthouse. As long as that’s alright with you.” Queenie nodded in silent agreement, as I soothed my thumb on the back of her hand as I held it.

“Anything I can do to ease your mind a little bit for what’s about to happen?” Queenie gazed up at me, asking what’s the first thing she could expect.

“First off, don’t expect to get sleep tonight,” I smiled. “But while you’re curious, I wanted to address a few things. For this to work, there can’t be any surprises. To keep the trust, I don’t do anything I didn’t get prior consent for. Which is why I’m asking now. Because I won’t get to ask you once you’re out.”

That seemed to be the concern she had the most, as she’d never had anything in her system stronger than wine, and wanted to make sure it wasn’t dangerous. “How long does it take once I wake up?” She stammered, as I used my words to reassure her she was safe with me.

“To be honest, it depends on the type of chase you give me beforehand. Could be five minutes. Could be twenty. But I’ll probably have you undressed before then. So, I wanted to know if it was okay to ogle you a little bit. Maybe fondle you? I wouldn’t do anything below the belt until you’re more comfortable. But your naked breasts. Neck. Mouth. Face. Am I allowed to touch those things when you’re out of it?”

“Is there a reason you want to touch me places when I’m not awake?” She eyed me curiously.

“It ain’t that I don’t wanna wait for you. But when you’re awake, it dictates where and how I touch you. I want it to feel good to you, so I touch you where you like first, so I never get to explore you like I want to. It just gives me a chance to enjoy the parts of you I don’t focus on. But I won’t do it if you feel like that would violate you.”

“When you say you won’t go below the belt until I’m comfortable?—”

“I mean what I tell you. That if I promise not to do something, I actually follow through with it. Yeah, I’d love to finger fuck, eat your cunt, see if it gets wet for me in your unconsciousness. Same way you touch me in my sleep, and then I’m instantly trying to claw at you. But I understand we’d have to work to that. So, let’s start with smaller stuff, to see if you even like it.”

“When I do come to, what can I expect from there?”

“I have the plan, but it may change based on how you react to me. But like I mentioned in the past, by the time you come to, you’ll likely be tied to the bed. You’ll have a towel under you, because that’s how much I plan to come in you. I plan to make you come at least once with my mouth. Maybe once with my fingers. And however many times that pussy can take once I’m balls deep in you. I might even hold you down, especially if I feel you struggle, so you helplessly have to take me, because I know that’ll turn me on. Unless that makes you uncomfortable.”

Queenie admitted it did sound scary, but by telling her what and how I was going to do it, at least she could have some sense of control.

“That’s the thing, Queenie. You have the control. It might feel like I do in the moment, but you’re the one giving me your body. You’re the one telling me how far I can go. That’s why if you’re uncomfortable with me going further than you can handle, you just have to tell me. And we’ll stop.”

“Just like that?” She asked, skeptical.

“Just like that,” I clarified. “But there’s also something else to consider. When the darkness takes over, it adds to the experience. Pain and pleasure blur a bit. In that space, no can sound like yes. We need to decide on a word, or something non-verbal, like a snap,” as I snapped my fingers and it woke her up.

“And the word can’t be no. It has to be something you come up with on your own, something unique to you, so it can bring me out and I can make sure I’m not hurting you.”

“It can be any word?” She narrowed her eyes, like she was trying to come up with something on the spot.

“Better if it’s not something either of us associate or say normally to each other when we’re lovemaking.” Explaining how confusing that would be.

Queenie bit her lip and I swear the darker part of me wanted to bite it for her, but I would get my chance soon enough. “Growing up, I was always taught to have compassion for people even when they didn’t deserve it. My mama would always say, give people grace when they make mistakes. Most of all, show them mercy.” I took that as her word of choice, but followed up to clarify.

“Mercy, then? So, if I ask ‘do you want mercy?’ or if you say ‘show me mercy’, that’ll pull me out, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded. Just like a church girl to use that as a safe word.

“I might also say some things. More intense things than I say to you now, that might sound like I don’t respect you, but I do. It’s just the wolf taking over. He’ll want to keep you in a space of submission, and making sure he knows you’re his whore is what’ll keep him there. So just say ‘show me mercy’ if anything is off-putting, or turns you off, or doesn’t feel right?—”

“Cillian, okay!” She playfully interrupted. All I wanted to do was make her feel certain she could say no at any time. Pressing the back of her hand to my mouth, I asked if she had anymore questions.

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