Page 23 of Phoenix

“I deserved a lot of things, Warren,” she counters, “and so did you.”

I sigh, shaking my head over it all because essentially, Jessie and I are both as messed up as each other, and worse still, my cousin, her brother as far as she’s concerned, hired me to kill her. I press my palms into my eyes and rub at them while jumping to my feet before I can fall into anything else. I march to the door as quickly as I can and grab hold of the doorknob, but her gentle, sad sigh has me turning back to face her. An epic mistake because when I see her tiny figure wrapped up inside of that robe, looking beyond hurt and embarrassed, I feel like a bigger asshole than I already did.

“Jess, I…” I begin but then stop myself, clenching my teeth in frustration. With a sigh of my own, I leave before I can do or say anything else to make this situation even worse.

Chapter 9

Niamh (Jessie), 11

That first night, stuck inside an alien basement with a boy who is not only older than me but also a complete stranger, I try to look at my surroundings with some sort of rational mind. There is but one bed, a double, but one we’re expected to share all the same. We both approach it nervously, with my fingers fidgeting with one another. He tries to smile reassuringly, like Mom did on my first day of school. He then throws over a shirt, one of his, before telling me I can wear it to bed. I nod but make no move to do anything other than just stand here.

“Do you want me to sleep on the floor, Niamh?” he asks, but when I look around, the floor is hard, cold, and with no sign of any comfort.

“No, it’s ok,” I murmur, not being fully convinced but falling into my natural instincts to be polite…even now. “I’m afraid to be alone anyway.”

“You know you’re safe with me, Niamh, you know that right?” he practically begs me, and I smile shyly before nodding. I’m not at all certain but he’s all I have, and I suppose I told the truth just now. I don’t want to sleep in this bed alone, knowing that the unhinged man from upstairs might come down to find me again.

We both get on the bed and crawl into our own little spaces, feeling awkward and very much aware of each other’s presence. However, with the silence that falls over us, I begin to forget about Jake and think of my mom instead. Is she looking for me? Is she crying and missing me as much as I’m missing her? Why hasn’t she come for me? Why haven’t they rescued me? Why didn’t she think to come and pick me up in the rain? Why wasn’t she there?

“Hey, Niamh, are you crying?” Jake asks, snapping me out of my thoughts, only to realize he’s right, I am crying and what’s worse is I can’t stop. “Come here, Niamh, let me hold you.”

His words fill me with fear, for what does that mean to him? Does he want to do the things the overly hormonal boys talk about at school? The stuff we saw in one of Tammy’s brothers’ naughty magazines. I don’t want that, I can’t!

I lie rigidly in my small, fetal position, unable to move for the abject fear crawling around my body, infecting my every cell. I hold my breath when he wraps his arms around my trembling arms and pulls me against his warmth, and then…that’s it. He does nothing more than hold me in his soothing embrace until eventually, my trembling subsides and my breathing calms.

“Do you trust me yet, Niamh?” he whispers.

“I don’t know…I want to,” I whisper back.

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” he says with a crack in his voice, “I just want someone who isn’t nuts to be my friend, Niamh.”

All I can manage to do is nod against his chest while quietly sobbing. I so desperately want his words to be true but I’m still so unsure. How can I ever be sure of anything ever again?

When I wake, it’s still dark. Even though we are in a basement, I can tell the difference between night and day, and it’s definitely still nighttime. Jake’s hand is still resting on top of my arm, but I cannot tell if he’s awake or not. But that’s not what’s concerning me. What’s making my breath hitch with fear is the sound of heavy breathing coming from the corner of the room where there’s a wooden chair. It suddenly scrapes against the floor with a squeak, making me gasp.

“Shh,” Jake whispers inside my ear without so much as a flinch, “don’t move!”

I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut while Jake holds me that much tighter. I don’t know how long we lie like this for, listening to him in the silence, just sitting there watching us with some weird kind of obsession. Eventually, he gets up and walks toward the bed, stands at the end for a moment, and finally walks up the stairs. It’s only when he shuts the door that I let myself breathe out again.

“What was he doing, Jake?” I whimper.

“Nothing,” he whispers, “he sometimes just comes to watch me sleep. That’s all, I promise.”

“I wanna go home, Jake,” I cry, “I don’t want to be here anymore!”

“I know, Niamh, and you will, one day,” he says, “I promise.”

“You make a lot of promises, Jake,” I say, to which he laughs.

“I guess I’ve never had someone to make promises to,” he says as I turn to face him. “I always wanted a sibling. Believe me, I have no interest in doing anything with an eleven-year-old, Niamh. I’m not a pervert.”

“Thanks, I guess,” I reply, smiling a little because his words have actually settled my nerves. “I always wanted a sibling too,” I begin before lowering my voice, suddenly feeling shy over asking him my next question. “Will you be mine until the day you take me home?”

“I’d like that, Niamh,” he says to me with a smile, one that I trust.

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Phoenix

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