Page 6 of Phoenix

Pulling away from me slightly, he voicelessly seeks my permission to go further, and for no other reason other than the way he’s making me feel right now, right in this very moment, I nod, yes. This time he kisses me harder with his giant, masculine hand reaching over my arm to hold onto me while he swipes his tongue into my mouth. He massages me gently, exploring my mouth like I used to search Stanley’s cave all those years ago, full of excitement and curiosity over this fantastical creature. Too bad I’m just as mythical as he is.

Sliding between my legs, Warren’s large body engulfs mine as he moves his hands over to the hem of my tank top, reaching up and over my naked flesh until he hits my nipples. For the first time in my life, they are hardened with lust.

“You’re so cold,” he mutters before taking one inside of his mouth, sucking hard, and pinching the other one between his finger and thumb. My breathing hitches as he thrusts his hardness against me, igniting something inside of my core that has remained dormant up until now. Suddenly I need this, I want this closeness that I’ve hidden away from for years. Warren is a warm body that I need to heat me from the inside.

His hands slide down to my waist and to the top of my trousers where he pushes the fabric down with effortless grace; a clear sign this is certainly not anywhere close to being his first time with a woman. My attempt to do the same to him is more awkward, sloppy, and juvenile, but I don’t care, I just want him. I crave this stranger and all that he can give to me.

Sliding his hand through my wetness, he suddenly pulls away from kissing me and looks me straight in the eye with a calmness sweeping over his intense expression.

“You ever done this before?” he asks while continuing to massage my swollen nerves with a delicious movement. I look back at him, gasping for breath as a euphoric feeling builds up from behind his fingers. “Jessie?” he asks more firmly. “You ever done this before?”

Slowly, I shake my head but keep my eyes directly on his. He removes his hand and I wince over the withdrawal.

“Does that change things?” I whisper, already dreading his response. He moves slowly down my body, pausing over my abdomen to look back up at me.

“I’ll be gentle,” he says without a trace of a smile.

He then disappears beneath the covers and the next thing I know I am being sucked and licked right between my legs. I arch my back as he uses his mouth to bring me to a peak I’ve never felt so intensely. I emit strange noises from my mouth, sounds I’ve never made before, gasps that have him holding onto my hips that little bit more tightly.

“Enjoy that, Jessie?” he says against my lips below, but all I can do is nod while I try to bring my breathing back down to normal. Warren moves up my body before aligning himself between my wet folds, hovering around my opening, as if waiting for my final permission. “Good,” he whispers into my mouth as I reach up to kiss him, “because this might hurt a bit.”

Before I can think too much on those words, he moves his tongue and his erection inside of me with one, hard thrust. I yelp as he kisses me, making it deeper while his body remains still inside of me. His arms wrap around my body tightly as if to offer me comfort, so I cling onto his neck with equal force, trying anything to relax and ease the discomfort down below. Moments later, he moves his hands down to my legs and tries to spread them further apart. His mouth then leaves mine, instead, he uses the tip of his nose to brush softly against mine.

“Relax Jessie,” he whispers against my mouth, “tell me when to move.”

I feel his thumb move to my sensitivity below where he circles it in slow, lazy movements, relaxing me before I give him the go-ahead to rock gently in and out of me. After which, his eyes close and he breathes heavily into the space between us. I grip his strong arms as he moves harder and faster against me, as if unable to keep his desire in anymore. My insides still burn but his thumb brings me to a second release just before he growls into the darkness and throbs deep within me. He curses, then thrusts a few more times before finally flopping on top of me in an all-encompassing embrace. With his nose buried in the crook of my neck, he finds my hands and grips hold of them tightly for what feels like a long time. Afterward, his lips graze my forehead before he gets up and moves into the bathroom.

I reach between my legs, feeling like my opening has been ripped in half, and find a warm wetness. I then bring my coated fingers up into the light to see a smear of crimson blood where he surely broke my hymen. Fascinated, I swirl it around between my fingers and thumb just as he comes back from the bathroom, still half-mast and unashamed of his nudity in front of me.

“You ok?” he asks as he passes me a small towel from the bathroom so I can ungraciously wipe away the remnants of our sex. I merely nod and reach for my bottoms which had been thrown on the floor in our fit of passion. It seems ridiculous now, but I yank them on with an urgency to cover myself up. He notices but merely smirks at my strange behavior before falling down onto the pillow. I awkwardly turn my back on him and curl up into a fetal position, where I stare out at those waves in the distance. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me against his warm, hard, chest, with his face nuzzling into the back of my neck.

“You don’t have to…you know, cuddle me,” I whisper shyly.

“I know,” he replies.

Chapter 3

Jessie

Morning wakes me with a throb between my legs, shortly followed by the startling realization that I gave my first time away to a complete stranger. Speaking of which, I’m cold again, so I know that when I turn over, he won’t be there anymore. Not that I was expecting anything else, but it’s still a hurtful reality to have the man who gave you your first sexual encounter get his fill and move on without even a goodbye or thanks for letting me stay last night.

Eventually, I crawl slowly out of the sheets and pretend to ignore the few drops of blood on the bed. Like every morning, I fall into the everyday routine of getting up and ready for another day of hiding away and contemplating how to get through life without having a mental breakdown. As I put on my jeans and sweater, I take in the calmness of outside and look at the world pretending it wasn’t having an epic tantrum last night. Debris covers the front lawn but other than that, everything has returned to what it once was. The power is back on, the phone line is beeping, and the tranquility of outside is resumed. The only thing that is no longer intact is my hymen and what little self-esteem I had before I got fucked and left last night.

“Jessie?” Mom answers the phone in a slight panic, probably over my sanity at having been left alone for the first time in years last night. “Are you alright? We tried to call but, well, the weather, you know.”

“I’m ok,” I reply flatly, “the power went out; it was dark.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Jessie,” she says as though she could have prevented such a thing from happening.

“It’s not your fault, Mom,” I say with a fake smile on my face. It’s awkward; it has been since I returned…years ago.

“Listen, we’re about an hour and a half away. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Ok, see you then,” I say and hang up without waiting for a reply. I feel guilty for our strained relationship, but it is what it is, as painful as it is to admit that.

Sighing loudly, I look out to see my imaginary figure hiding in the bushes again, so I blink rapidly to make him disappear. I’m not sure I’ll ever be rid of him completely; he shaped my life and who I am. I fear, because of that, I’ll remain here forever, seeing the memory of a nightmare no one could save me from until I lost myself within this lifeless existence. The idea of being in this house without my parents fills me with dread. There’s a difference between being imprisoned with company and imprisoned with nothing else but your fear.

After washing my teeth and face, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen where I spy the flashing red light of the dishwasher signaling for me to empty it. I head straight over to open the door only to find it’s empty. I guess that’s my payment for last night, a domesticated stranger cop who comes to take away women’s virginities when they should have lost it ages ago to some high school boyfriend. I never had that, never could; I was never there.

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