Page 51 of One Last Breath

He falls silent, and I don’t reply. I know I’m not suspected of a crime, but I feel the way a criminal must feel sitting across the table from a detective. He’s getting uncomfortably close to my own secret, and I very much don’t want to share it with him.

He probes further. “You had a sister, Annemarie Wilcox.”

I feel my lower lip tremble but stay silent.

“She went missing twenty-nine years ago. According to Boston Police records, they turned up no sign of her for eight weeks before closing the case. Shortly after, you changed your major from clinical psychology to education.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with anything,” I say, somewhat sharply.

“Well, I understand the teaching bit. It’s clear you believe your sister was kidnapped or murdered. I know a little bit about the minds of killers, and it’s enough to make me far too friendly with a bottle and far too broken to stay married for longer than a few years at a time. I can’t imagine what it would be like to truly understand how evil those people are. So you dropped psych and went to education where you can work on molding minds instead of seeing into the dark corners of the attic.

“What I don’t understand is why, after nearly thirty years, you’ve started playing detective. And don’t tell me it’s unintentional, because I don’t buy that. You’re trying to make up for your sister. But why now? What changed?”

I don’t answer. Donnelly holds my eyes with an expression that appears slightly bored but that I recognize as shrewdly observant. I try to think of an answer, but the truth is that I don’t know. I suppose my mother’s death six years ago gave me the freedom to devote more time to Annie’s disappearance, but why do I wait so long? And why, when I do act, do I act for other people and not for Annie?

It's been many years since I’ve studied psychology, but once more, the answer becomes clear despite my mind’s fervent attempts to avoid it.

I don’t want to know. My whole life from the moment I told Detective Huxley she could close Annie’s case up until now has been an attempt to avoid confronting the mystery of her disappearance. Donnelly is right. I changed my major because I didn’t want to understand evil. I took care of our ailing mother because I wanted to be tied down. I didn’t love Mother. It’s horrible to say, but she was a cruel woman who I believe is responsible in part for the decisions Annie made that led to her disappearance. I only took care of her because it was easy to hide behind duty and say that I had done the right thing leaving Annie’s case unexamined.

Then she died, and I tried to keep my head down, but the nightmares began again, and I knew that if I didn’t do something, I would go mad as I had once before.

And now? Now I’m hunting for secrets to feel good about myself so that the madness remains at bay.

But something has to give. Eventually, I need to admit that I’m hiding and solve the mystery of Annie’s loss, or I’ll collapse fully into madness. This time, I doubt I’ll recover.

Donnelly holds my eyes for a long time. Eventually, he sighs. “I’m going to need a statement from you before you’re discharged. There’s a chance you’ll be subpoenaed when the case goes to trial, but it’s not likely. Considering what George has said and what we walked into, this is pretty open and shut.”

He grabs his jacket and heads for the door. Just before he leaves, he nods at me and says, “Take care of yourself, Miss Wilcox.”

He leaves the room, and I stare up at the ceiling. Images flit through my head, of Annie, of Mother, of the various families I’ve worked for, the perpetrators and victims among them.

I am reaching the end of this road I’ve chosen. I can’t run for much longer. Soon, I’ll have to face the ghost that’s been haunting me for nearly thirty years.

Or I’ll have to let the guilt consume me.

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

The discharge nurse informs me that my belongings can be retrieved from the police station. I am relieved to find that Donnelly isn’t in the office today. I don’t think I can handle another conversation with him like the last one.

I perform a cursory check of my things. There’s only one item I truly care about, and when I find it still in its place in my handbag, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I head outside and try to plan my next move. I don’t have another position at the moment, so I’m at liberty for now. I don’t know for sure what I’ll do, but for today, I only want to rest.

Not here, though. I don’t want to spend another night in Savannah. It’s a shame. The town is beautiful, and I believe I could quite enjoy a vacation here, but it holds too many bad memories for me.

So, I decided to head to the airport. I don't know where I'll go yet. I'll decide later.

I walk to the bus stop, but before I reach it, I hear a voice call my name.

“Mary! Mary, wait!”

I turn to see Annabelle hurrying over to me. I turn warily to her and glance back at the police station. I’m not sure how she feels about me now that I’ve gotten her entire family into legal trouble.

When she reaches me, she smiles sadly and says, “Don’t worry, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry, but not at you.”

“Oh. Um, h did you…”

“I’m the one who brought your stuff here. I just came to say goodbye before you left. I hope that’s all right.”

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