Page 51 of No Take Backs

I don’t want to go home. Even though I usually want the silence of my house and the warmth of my blanket as I curl into its depths to forget everything around me, I don’t want that. I need people. I need the chaos of other people being around to help keep me out of my own head.

“Yeah,” I tell him with a small smile. “I think we need to be around friends right now.”

What I don’t say is that I know the investigation into the fire is taking a toll on Josh. I see it every single night we are at home together. On nights I’m at the station he can pretend that he is okay. But when we are in bed and he gets up in the middle of the night, I know it is the fire keeping him up.

I swore I would never date a cop, but the longer Josh fills the fire investigator position, the surer I am that he is the exception to my rule.

I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Josh was the one to arrange for the entire fire department and police department to be there for Piper’s funeral.

We are one of the last to arrive at Lucy’s, and when we walk in, I zero in on a table to the far right. Sitting in a massive circle are Josh’s family and mine, my parents included, whom I hadn’t even noticed at the funeral.

“Auntie Nia!” Lyla stands up on her chair and calls my name. “Over here. I saved your seat next to mine. He can’t sit here, though.”

Ella puts her face in her cupped hands, looking more embarrassed than anything else.

“I’m so sorry,” Rich mouths across the room as he physically picks up his daughter and moves them down a seat so that there are two empty chairs next to each other.

“Mom.” I kiss her on the cheek. “Daddy.” He squeezes me tight. “I’m glad you met Josh’s family.”

Mom laughs. “Sweetie. I’ve known Adelaide and Jason Harmon longer than you’ve been alive. It’s like you think your father and I didn’t have a life before you were born.” She scoffs. “Child, please.”

Josh’s mom, who insisted I call her Addy, laughs. “Libby, can you blame them?”

“Yes.” Mom sniffs. “I’m not old. Neither are you.”

“You’re old enough to have grandchildren,” Kyle mutters from across the table, just loud enough for everyone to hear and stop moving in order to hear what’s happening.

“Excuse me?” Addy freezes, her eyes flashing dangerously as she stares at her oldest child. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Kyle holds his hands up in panic. “No. Not me. Not at all.”

Next to me, Josh goes still, then he turns his head almost imperceptibly in my direction. “You’re not, are you?”

“No,” I speak a little too loudly. “Definitely not.”

“You guys.” Ella waves a hand over the silently fuming Lyla. “Lyla’s here. She’s the grandchild Kyle was talking about.”

All four of our parents seem to remember the little girl at the table at the exact same time, but not quickly enough for Lyla not to notice.

“I see how it is.” She sniffs loudly. “You all suck, and I don’t have a favorite grandparent anymore.”

Then she gets up from the table and stomps over to the other kids in attendance, who happen to be sitting one table over.

“Hey, Lyla.” Rett James, one of the kids in her class, smiles at her. “Do you want to share my pizza when it comes out?”

“No.” Lyla blinks owlishly. “Pizza sucks. I’m getting tacos. But can I sit with you? You always pay attention to me, and my parents suck right now. They didn’t even think I was important.”

Rett scoots over so she can sit down and when she does, he pulls her into his arm where Lyla smiles brightly. “I got you, girlie. I won’t ignore you, ever.”

Josh drops a kiss on my cheek, dragging my attention away from the kids. “I got you, girlie.” He mimics Rett.

“You really do.” I lean even further into his embrace.

Surrounded by my family and Josh’s, I find something I didn’t know I was missing.

Peace.

At least for the moment.

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