Page 66 of How We Loved

Dalton finally gets up and grabs the guitar—I’m sure trying to bring back any sense of normalcy to our Sundays.

When he starts to sing “Something in the Orange” by Zach Bryan, I’m not sure if I want to hit him or close my eyes and sing along. How come songs can do that? Soothe your soul and hurt it at the same time.

When he sings, “’Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won’t,” I know it’s hurting it right now.

When he continues to sing, “To you I’m just a man, to me you’re all I am,” I can’t handle it anymore and get up to leave. I’m not sure where I’m going to go, but I need to walk before I lose my shit altogether.

Because she is all I am.

Every inch of my soul belongs to her.

I fought it for years, not understanding what was really going on in my head when it came to Maya. I just knew I had to be with her, near her, every second I could. It just felt natural with us like that, something I didn’t have to think about or ask what was happening between us.

Because we just were.

It was us.

I loved us.

But now, I realize it was more. It was always more. More than just being friends. More than her being by my side all the time.

I love her.

I’ve always loved her.

But now, she’s gone.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Maya

I walk into school, sad that Trevor doesn’t go here. I wish we could hold hands, like other couples do as they start their day.

I head straight to the couches, where the whole gang is already hanging out. I didn’t have the heart to talk to Ben when he showed up at my house this morning, probably wanting to talk about all the missed calls and text messages I’d ignored.

It was one thing when I was mad at him for whatever had happened in the restroom with Trevor, but now knowing I have to put more distance between us, it just hurts too much. I know it will take time, and I’m going to need all the time I can get.

I had my dad tell him I was running late, and I’d see him at school. I watched from the window to see his obvious frustration, but he just shrugged it off and got back in the truck.

Now that we’ve locked eyes, I can tell he’s not going to be so easy about it without my dad here.

As I approach, I stand next to Susie and Ashley. “Morning, everyone!” I say cheerfully.

In the past, I always sit with Ben, so it’s obvious that everyone questions why I’m standing here, as far away from him as I can be, but thankfully, they all go back to their conversation about the weekend.

Ben, on the other hand, stands and heads straight for me. “Can I see your phone?”

I have it clutched in my hand, so without thinking, I hand it to him. “Sure. Why?”

He opens it easily, knowing my passcode is my mom’s birthday, and starts to fidget on it, holding it up so I can’t see what he’s doing.

“Um, excuse me. Don’t go through my phone.” I try to grab it from him.

After a few more clicks, he hands it back to me. “Don’t worry. I’m not going through anything private to you. I just wanted to see if you did get my messages, and, yep, your phone is working. Every message I sent you last night shows as Read. Nice, Maya.”

He hands it back to me and walks away from the group, not saying another word.

I look at everyone, hoping they didn’t see or hear what just transpired, but no such luck.

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