Page 68 of How We Loved

“Come on in. I’m just getting things set,” she responds.

I put my purse on their entryway table, and we walk through their foyer to the kitchen. Ben and his dad are sitting in the living room right off the kitchen, watching the football game.

Wayne, Ben’s dad, stands up to greet us. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

We hug, and out of the corner of my eye, I notice Ben standing up to greet us as well.

He approaches me and places his arm around my shoulders, giving me a side hug. “Hey there.”

“Hi,” I respond, nervously giving him a hug that feels extremely awkward.

“Maya, you look so pretty.” Sandy approaches me, giving me a hug as well.

“Thank you. I’m heading to my boyfriend’s house later on. So sorry I will have to leave early.”

I don’t miss the way she looks at Ben, then back to me with a somber expression. Just like my mom, she always hoped Ben and I would end up together.

“I heard you have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, he lives in Springstown. We met after the last football game when we played against them.” I smile with pride at being able to say I have a boyfriend.

“Well, we’ll miss you, but we’re glad you could join us beforehand.”

We all head to the kitchen, where Sandy has appetizers set out. I take a seat on a barstool, somewhere I’ve never sat before, and of course, Sandy notices. If this were any other year, I’d be cuddled up on the couch with Ben, watching the game as he tried to feed me bites of his food while spilling it all over the place.

I don’t know if I should be happy or sad at the fact that Ben has kept his distance, except for the brief hug when I got here. With how many times he’d called and texted me, saying we need to talk, I almost expected him to try to talk to me right when I got here.

So, why am I sad over the fact that he’s not trying anymore?

Over time, my dad and Wayne head to join him in the living room, and I stay in the kitchen with Sandy.

“Would you like some help?” I ask as I stand and head toward her so she knows I’m serious.

“Sure,” she responds with a smile. “Why don’t you get the rolls out and put them in this so we can start warming them up?”

I do as I was told, liking that I have a task and am not sitting there awkwardly.

“So,” she singsongs, “tell me about this boyfriend of yours.”

I grin from ear to ear. “He’s good. I wish we were able to spend more time together, but with him living so far away, it’s a little hard. We’re making it work though!”

“That’s great, sweetie. I’m happy for you. I hope we get to meet him someday.”

I nod. “Yeah, I’d like that,” I lie, knowing the last people he wants to meet is Ben’s parents.

Then, it hits me. If we end up getting married, will I even be able to invite them? Sandy is like a second mom to me. I’ve put so much attention on not hanging out with Ben that I haven’t thought about the fact that I’ll be giving up his family at the same time.

The thought saddens me all over again right when I seemed like I was going to be okay with separating myself from Ben.

Why is this so hard?

I keep getting the feeling that nothing should make me feel this way, especially a relationship that I really like.

Being stuck between a rock and a hard place doesn’t begin to explain it. I feel like I’m jammed in a hole with little room to breathe, and though I’m being pulled one way, I can see if I can just get through the hole, it’s a wonderful and glorious place to be. That damn hole though keeps getting smaller and smaller.

We put dinner on the table and make it all the way through eating without any weirdness between Ben and me even though we’re sitting right next to each other.

It’s not until Sandy gets up to start bringing plates into the kitchen that Ben turns to me and says, “We need to talk. Follow me.”

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