Page 69 of How We Loved

He stands up, not waiting for my reply, and expects me to follow him.

I guess he knows me better than I think because, of course, I do.

He takes me into the garage—I’m sure because it’s more soundproof than just going into the living room—and I wait for what he has to say. It takes him a few minutes to gather his thoughts, and I give him that. There’s nothing for me to say. This breaks my heart, too, but this is where we are in our lives. No need to fight it anymore. If I want to be with Trevor, I don’t feel like I have a choice.

“I get that you have a boyfriend, and I respect that. I get that you can’t sit on my lap, and you don’t want me giving you rides anymore. All of that, I understand. What I don’t understand is you acting like I barely exist anymore,” Ben says with so much emotion that I can barely handle it.

Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away. I can’t let him see how affected I am, or he’ll never understand why I’m doing this. I try to speak, but my words fail me.

When I don’t respond, he continues, “Is he making you do this?”

I rub my lips together, trying to hide the fact that they’re shaking uncontrollably. My lack of response is enough answer for him, and I can’t hide it anymore.

“Fuck!” he yells as he drops his hands down to his sides, fists clenched. “That’s not okay.” He turns back to me. “You and I are family. You’re here, at my family’s Thanksgiving. Does he not understand how far we go back? You can’t just cut me out of your life.” He steps up closer to me, and all I see is the pain he’s feeling. “I will always be a part of your life. No matter who you are with or where we end up. Always.” The way he stares into my eyes with so much emotion and determination absolutely breaks me.

Tears fall, and I can’t hold them back. He’s right, but I don’t know what to do.

“Say something!” he yells, and I lose it.

“Everything was going fine until you cornered him in the restroom at the bowling alley. What did you say to him?” I yell, for the first time feeling like I can get this huge weight I’ve been carrying around off my chest.

His eyes open wide. “Are you shitting me right now? You mean, when I caught him talking on the phone with his friend, saying you’re just a piece of ass to him?”

I shake my head. “No. No, it’s not like that between us. You did something to make him not like you.”

“Yeah, I called him out on his bullshit.”

“No. That’s not what happened.”

“Yes!” He tilts his head up toward the ceiling and screams, “It is what happened! And he threatened me to tell you lies about me if I tried to tell you, which I didn’t give a shit about. And I have been trying to tell you since that night, but you wouldn’t give me two seconds to do so.”

“You’re lying! I know you’ve never wanted me to date anyone else, but this is low.”

Covering my mouth to stop the sobs that are coming, I burst back into the house.

I can’t take any of this anymore. It’s just too much, and I don’t understand what’s really going on or who’s lying to me because none of this makes sense.

“Maya?” Sandy questions as I run by.

“Maya, what’s wrong?” I hear my dad ask.

“I have to go. I’m going to Trevor’s. I’ll call you when I get there,” I say as I grab my purse and walk out their door, feeling like it’s the last time I ever will.

I get in my car and crank the engine, hurrying out from where it’s parked before anyone stops me.

Once I’m on the road, my tears fall freely. I don’t remember the last time I cried like this. Since my mom passed, I’ve had no reason to cry. Memories of how Ben comforted me during those times fill my mind. All I want right now is that feeling, that reassurance that everything was going to be okay that I got from him, that I always got from him.

Only now, I’m crying because of him.

Picking up my phone, I call Trevor.

He’s my new guy.

My new person.

“Hey, baby,” he says as he answers the phone.

“Hi,” I respond, not able to hide my tears.

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