Page 90 of How We Loved

“I just can’t. I can’t do this,” he says before heading back to the house and shutting the door behind him, leaving me here to cry alone.

I want to go after him, but I already have. That’s why I came here in the first place—I was trying to fix us. So, him walking away from me pretty much solidifies just how much damage I’ve caused, and I’m starting to think I’ve ruined us forever.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Ben

I walk back in my house and head straight up the stairs to my room, slamming the door before I pace around, wanting to hit something, scream, do anything to stop what’s going on inside me right now.

Reaching for my phone, I swipe it on and press play on my Spotify app that was already open from my drive home after practice. I was in a hard-core mood, feeling pumped after the workout I had. When “Your Betrayal” by Bullet for my Valentine blasts in my room through my soundbar with its hard drum beat, I lean my head back and let the sound wash over my body.

The song starts out asking if he’s going insane, and I laugh at the coincidence. That’s exactly how I feel right now. I’m literally going insane over the battle between my mind and my heart.

I close my eyes as I try to breathe out my frustration and let the song take over every aspect of my being.

I don’t even hear my mom enter the room, so when my music turns down, I’m startled, and I open my eyes to see her standing there. There’s no hiding how I feel, and it’s obvious she’s concerned by the way she’s staring at me as I stand in the middle of my room.

“Want to talk about it?” she asks, and I finally break.

I sit down on my bed and bury my head in my hands.

She sits down beside me and places her hand on my back. “What’s going on?”

“Everything is messed up, Mom,” I say through my fingers.

“Yeah, that was pretty obvious at Thanksgiving dinner. What’s happened since?”

I place my elbows on my knees and drop my head down, not wanting to relive the past few days, but knowing I need to talk to someone. I open and close my fists that are still cut up from the beating I gave Trevor. It’s been so cold out, so anytime I’ve been around my parents, I just kept my hands in my hoodie or jean pockets.

I’m not surprised when she grabs them with a quickness.

“What happened to you?”

“You should see the other guy.” I try to make a joke, but she’s not buying it.

“Benjamin, what’s going on?”

“Trevor and Maya broke up.”

She stops her examination of my hands at my words. “Was that because of you?”

I stand up, rage racing through me like a bullet ejecting out of a chamber. “Why would you think it was because of me?” I ask too loudly to be addressing my mom, but I can’t help myself.

Her eyes open wide as she tries to defend her words. “I just assumed. You two have always been so close.”

I let out a breath as I lean against my dresser and cross my arms over my chest, dropping my head. “That’s the problem.”

She tilts her head to the side, trying to catch my attention as I stare at the floor. “Then, what happened?”

I rub my lips together, inhaling a shaky breath. “He attacked her.”

The gasp out of my mom’s lips hits me to my core. I look up, and her eyes instantly well with tears as she covers her mouth in shock. Maya is more than just her best friend’s daughter. She’s loved Maya like her own daughter since the day she was born. We all have.

“Is she okay?” she asks, looking almost too afraid of the answer.

I inhale and let it out slowly as I nod my head. “Yeah, she’s okay.”

“Did Tim call the cops? Why didn’t he tell us what’s going on?”

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