Page 93 of How We Loved

I’m curled up on my bed with Ming, trying to get lost in a movie to distract me from all the damage I’ve caused when my phone rings. My heart races because I hope it’s Ben calling, but I’m shocked when I see it’s his mom instead.

“Sandy, is everything okay?” I ask almost in a panic. I don’t remember the last time she called me directly.

“Oh, sweetie. I should be asking you that,” she says, and tears instantly prick my eyes. “I know I’m not your mom, but I hope you know that you can come to me for anything at any time.”

Tears flow down my face that I can’t stop. I’ve tried to block out everything that happened with Trevor, and with the way Ben has been acting, I should almost be thankful because it’s put my thoughts on him more. Now that I know that she knows, my heart breaks in two.

“I still don’t understand how it happened,” I say through my tears.

“Have you told your dad?” she asks in a motherly tone, and I wish I had her here with me instead of on the phone.

“No. I’m too ashamed, and I don’t want him to worry about me.”

“You should never feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. Relationships can be hard, and unfortunately, you need to go through some bad ones before you find the perfect one.”

I close my eyes, and instantly, Ben pops in my mind. We had the perfect one, and I screwed it up.

“Ben came to help me,” I say barely above a whisper, more just wanting to say his name.

“Yeah, I heard,” she says with a laugh.

I remember my mom and Sandy always talking about how different it was, raising the two of us. Where my mom did not understand the chaos that came with boys, Sandy seemed to accept it full throttle and let it roll off her shoulders much easier than my mom ever would.

There’s a silence between us, and then she says, “I’m glad he was able to be there for you.”

More tears fall, and a tiny sob escapes that I can’t hold back. I finally let it all out. “But now, he hates me for pushing him away.”

“He could never hate you,” she says in a soothing way.

I laugh. “Oh, but he can, and it’s pretty obvious that he does.”

“I think you two have some things you need to work through. It will happen with time.”

“Why did I treat him that way?” I cry. “Why did I allow Trevor to dictate my life like that?”

“Love can make us do silly things. But it can also make us blind, especially at your age. That’s why it’s good to date when you’re young. Find out what you like, what you don’t. You’ll learn to see red flags in relationships. Unfortunately, you have to actually live through some of them to be able to notice what’s going on.”

“But I did question things, and my friends tried to warn me. I just didn’t listen to them or my gut,” I say barely above a whisper, embarrassed to admit it to myself.

“You liked the guy. I get it. It’s easy to see things when you’re standing outside, looking in. But when you’re living it, it’s not as black and white. I’m sure Trevor had good qualities. You have a sunshine soul, and you only want to see the good in people.”

I sigh. “If this is where it gets me, then I’m screwed.”

She chuckles under her breath. “Don’t think that way. Your perfect person is out there. You just have to weed through some not-so-good ones on your way to him.”

“You and Wayne were high school sweethearts, right? So, you didn’t really have to weed anyone out?” I ask.

“You could say that. But you know, we had to spend time apart to see if being together was indeed what we wanted. That seems to be the case here. It’s good to experience life from the perspective of someone else.”

I nod my head even though she can’t see me. She’s right. I did learn a lot about life from someone outside of Leighton River.

“Thank you for calling me,” I say, feeling a little better after talking to her.

“You know I’m always here for you. And just give Ben time. He’ll come around.”

I close my eyes, my chest tightening at the sound of my best friend’s name.

“You’re still coming on Wednesday though, right?” she asks, making it hard to breathe.

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