Page 113 of Don't Go Faking My Heart

"Any sign of the gophers?" I ask him.

"None! Looks like I finally got 'em!"

I put Pookie's poop in each of the holes this morning on my way to work. Reddit told me it was a surefire way to get rid of gophers by making them think a predator is near. They don't know Pookie weighs six pounds, only that she's got wolf DNA, or something.

I will take this secret to the grave.

"I'm glad your plan worked," I say.

"Your plan worked, too," Chick Hanks says. "I had to walk here because there was no parking!"

"I think the blonde one helped, too, didn't you?" Chick Parkinson asks.

Lou chokes on her water and coughs it all over herself. She shakes with mirth as she dabs water off her chin. "Yeah, the blonde one helped, too," she says.

"How did you girls do it?" Chick Allen says.

"You can't say things like that," Chick Hanks whispers.

"Like what?" Chick Allen asks.

"Girls. You have to call them women when they're grown up."

Chick Allen nods sagely. "How did you women do it?"

"Are you surprised that we did it because we're women? Don’t answer that. It was all social media marketing," I say. "We made videos that helped consumers see the things they value that Sugar Maple has to offer."

"How'd you make so many people 'value' fishing? I've never sold out of bait before." Chick Allen says.

"You've never charged so much for bait before, either," Chick Parkinson says, elbowing his friend.

"It wasn't about fishing, it was about what fishing represents. A chance to connect with nature, a chance to be outside in a peaceful setting and try something new," I say.

"And we showed them that it's okay not to know how to fish. You can still have fun," Lou adds, speaking from experience. The video clearly showed her not knowing what in the world to do, and it was so funny and personable, I think it's part of what made the video work.

"Whatever you girls—women—did, you have our support." Chick Hanks says. The other two nod.

"Even if you hadn't quadrupled my business in a week, you'd have my support for chewin' out Arlo Fielding. The miserable cuss," Chick Allen says.

"Does everyone know about Arlo?" I ask.

"Know what a miserable cuss he is? Oh sure."

"What does that mean, exactly?" I ask.

Chick Hanks shakes his head. "He was a bad father and husband. Violent, ill-tempered cuss."

Never in my life have I heard the word "cuss" used so many times. I like it, even if it's wholly insufficient to express what a terrible man he is.

"Did everyone know? Rusty and his sister and their mom?—"

Chick frowns, adding to the lines on his weathered face. "Maybe we suspected, but no one knew until the day of Shelby's funeral."

I look at Lou. I told her that Arlo said something happened on the day of Rusty's sister's funeral. I don't care what it is, though. The fact that Arlo referred to Shelby as Rusty's sister instead of his own daughter is reason two million why nothing that awful man says could ever matter to me. But something happened. And I want to know.

"Do you know about the accident?" Chick Parkinson asks.

"Only that Arlo was drunk and Shelby was killed instantly," I say.

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