Page 19 of The Coach

Rocks fill the pit of my stomach.

I hear a ping come from my purse and twist to grab it. Tanner gives me an apologetic look, but I wave it off as I reach for my phone.

A text from my brother is on the screen.

Where are you? I’m at your place and the she-devil won’t let me in.

Frustration rises in my chest, not at my brother being at my place, but at the thought that I can’t outright say, “I’m with Tanner. He’s taken me to an amazing dinner. You’d really like how he treats me.”

It’s no secret that my brother is protective. He’s always said I deserved someone who treated me right. After my history, he took it upon himself to be my guardian when it came to who I date. Which was probably why I don’t date very often.

He would not like that the one man I’ve met who gave me respect was a man fifteen years older than me and his hockey coach.

“Alright, yep. See you in the morning.” Tanner hangs up and gives me an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry. Apparently, Lee stresses about away games and needs someone to talk him down.”

I give him a smile I don’t feel and wave it off. “No big deal.”

He gestures to my half-full plate. “Are you already done?”

“Hm?” I ask distracted and glance down at it. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I had a big lunch.”

Tanner watches me for a moment like he can tell I’m lying, but when I don’t say anything else, he sighs and says, “Are you okay?”

I will the emotion that threatens to tug at me away. “I’m fine.” I smile, and then I see the moment Tanner’s hopes are dashed. It’s amazing and sad how obvious it is. His smile drops, his eyes dim, and the nod he gives me is like… understanding.

We get the check, and Tanner takes my hand, helping me up from the chair.

We walk hand in hand out of the restaurant where Tanner hands the valet our tickets, and we wait in strained silence.

“I really like you,” I blurt out suddenly, turning to face him. Might as well rip the Band-Aid off. “I mean,” I scoff a little at myself, rubbing a hand over my forehead. “I really enjoy being with you. It’s…it’s good when I’m with you.”

The words are rushed out of my mouth, and I feel stupid when they finally settle between us.

Thankfully, he seems to understand what I’m trying to say and nods his head. “I like being with you, too.”

I shuffle my feet unsure how to proceed. Band-Aid. “I don’t think this is a good idea, though.”

A sigh comes from him, and when I look at him, his face is pained, his hand fisted at his side. “Why not?”

“Tanner,” I start, licking my lips. My mouth is still dry, ever since his phone call. “Being around you has been amazing, but I have to think about others. I have to think about the fact that if Lincoln found out, he would be pissed. If the school found out that a coach was dating a student, they wouldn’t take that lightly.” I take a step forward, placing my hand lightly on his chest. “I can’t jeopardize that for you.”

“Mick, I want to be with you,” he replies, shaking his head on a laugh, like he can’t believe he said the words out loud. He looks down at me again. “I know what I want.” His eyes search mine, and I let myself get lost in the hazel color. “I want to be with you. Job be damned. Do you care what people think?”

“About what?”

“About us,” he replies, placing his hand over my hand resting on his chest. I can feel his heart beating through the material of his sweater.

“No,” I stutter, trying to find the words. “It’s not about that. It’s just that—”

“You want to be responsible.” He doesn’t say it in a condescending way. He doesn’t even say it too seriously but instead with a hint of admiration and amusement.

“I… yes,” I agree. It’s true. The pressure from the things I’d stated previously are true statements. I don’t want to hurt my brother; I don’t want to jeopardize Tanner’s career or my education.

“I respect that about you,” he says, almost hoarsely. “But I still think we could make it work.”

“Maybe…” I pause, thinking it through. It’s not ideal, but…

“Maybe what?” Hope blooms on his face, and I smile slightly.

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