Page 69 of The Captain

His voice nearly cracks at the admission, and I keep my eyes on his as I let myself turn to him.

Because I miss him too. I miss him so much that I feel like I have a phantom limb. I feel like I’m missing a part of myself. When I wake up in the morning, something always feels wrong, and I know it’s that I don’t have the ability to call him, to see him, to talk to him.

And I miss that.

So I let myself be free to cross the boundary that I’ve been trying not to cross. I let myself sit up and move toward him, to straddle his lap. I let myself revel in the feeling of his calloused fingertips rubbing along the bare skin of my sides as he holds me to him.

When I lean forward, I let myself go as I kiss the man who made me fall for him.

The bastard.

He takes my lips with his eagerness, his hands gripping me tighter and tighter, our chests coming together so there is no space between us.

I don’t know how far I want to take this. I don’t know if I’m ready to give in all the way, but for the moment, I relish his hands on my body and his tongue in my mouth.

“I missed the way you taste, Sunshine.” His voice is hoarse with need, and when I wiggle my lap, I can feel how aroused he already is.

I nod my head in agreement, my lips searching out his. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to give my brain time to decipher every little thing. To wonder what any of this means or how we’re going to deal with it, or what’s going to happen when I wake up in the morning.

But…for me, with kissing comes emotion, and I’m on the precipice of telling him every thought that’s running through my mind. Even the dangerous ones.

My hands grip his shoulders tightly, and as much as I want to give in, to let myself give over to what I know would feel good…I can’t.

I push up, and he lets my mouth go, keeping his hands on my waist, even lightly.

“You okay?” he asks, and I have to actively choose not to lean forward again and kiss him.

“Yeah, I just…” I can’t find the words. I think long and hard, wondering what to say to not make him feel bad, but to give myself the space I need to get where I want to be.

Because I do want him. I want to be with him.

He grabs one of my hands, kissing my fingertips as he examines them. “Come on, you’re all pruny.”

He stands, and I find my footing again, letting him get out ahead of me. He hands me my robe first, helping me into it before pulling it around me and tightening the sash.

I let him move around me, still lost in my own little world, as I watched him replace the cover of the hot tub before grabbing his own towel and drying off.

When he’s done, I’m still standing there, and he smiles at me before offering his hand and…I take it.

I hold on to him tightly, our fingers wrapped around each other. Silently, we creep back into the house, careful that our footsteps are silent so we don’t wake the others.

Anticipation consumes me as we near my door, and I ready words on the tip of my tongue. Which words, I don’t know.

But before I have to say anything, Lincoln turns to me, guiding me so my back hits the wall beside the door. His left arm raises above my head against the wall, and his left rubs a finger against my cheek. I feel my knees tremble at the look in his eye. The look that says he wants nothing more than to take me inside my room right now.

Instead, he wraps his strong fingers around the side of my neck, using his thumb to tilt my chin up, and then he bends down and takes my lips in a fierce kiss.

His tongue collides with mine, and I let myself be consumed yet again. My hands find their way to his bare shoulders, then up into his hair, and I arch into his kiss.

I’m pinned against the wall with his scent wrapped around me, and I want to take him into my room.

Right now.

But before I can find the words, he slows the kiss down, smiling gently at the eagerness I’m still showing with my own kisses.

My hands are still wrapped up in his hair, my body arched into his, and he places one final kiss on my lips.

Taking a step back, Lincoln opens the door to my room and gestures in. He looks pained at the motion, and I take those final steps across the threshold, wondering if this was the night everything would finally come together again.

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