Page 103 of Drown in You

“Come sit down.” She leads me out to the deck, sun reflecting off the black spa cover on the hot tub. An iced tea already waits for me beside one of the patio chairs.

When we settle into our chairs, I sip at the cold liquid, the ice clinking against my teeth. “Are you feeling okay? Since the separation?”

She smiles warmly at me and pats my hand. “You’ve always been so sweet. I’m doing just fine. Actually, I’m a lot happier now that Mike and I aren’t pretending to be in a happy marriage. I felt like I was putting on a show for everyone. Slapping on a fake smile to make everyone else happy, even though I wasn’t.”

For so long, I had no idea that Deb was putting on an act. We’re more alike than I thought.

“I’ll always care about your father as a friend.” Deb sips at her iced tea. “But I know we’ve never truly been in love. To be honest, I miss your mom more.” We both laugh at that. “She’s a firecracker. But we’ve already made plans to form a virtual book club. She recommended a thriller to me, and I couldn’t stop reading it last night. I was up until four in the morning! I can’t remember the last time I did that.”

“I’m glad you’re doing okay.” I twist the iced tea in my hands, condensation dripping onto my skin. “Can I ask...when did you realize my dad wasn’t the right person for you?”

My pulse picks up speed. I need to know when she finally came to her senses. When I’ll finally come to mine about Luke.

“Honestly?” She mulls the question over while she examines the bright, blue sky. “I had a gut feeling when he moved in. But I didn’t listen to my gut—I listened to my head, which was telling me that I’m a mother to a college kid and I had a nice man who cared about me and maybe I shouldn’t be picky. Maybe I should stop waiting for someone like my first husband and commit to a man who’s good to me. But my heart never got on board.”

I have the opposite problem. My heart wants Luke, but my head is telling me to stay away.

“How are you doing?” she asks.

“Okay. Still kind of surreal how much has changed in such a short amount of time. I’m still getting used to it.”

“Do you miss him?”

I chug my iced tea. I don’t just miss Luke—I ache for him. I see his face every time I close my eyes, I long for his arms around me when I’m asleep, I dream of the masked man chasing me through the woods and catching me and holding me while I profess my love to him. “Yeah, I miss him. But I’m not sure I can forgive him yet. It might not matter, anyway. I’m moving back home.”

Deb nods, even though her brows soften with disappointment. “If you change your mind, you always have a place to stay with us. Just because your father and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean you’re not family. You became my family that first day I met you.”

Tears burn my eyes until I blink them away. Luke told my mom everything I couldn’t. Even if I never talk to him again, even if this is the end for us, I want to do the same for him. “Luke told my mom some of the secrets I was keeping from her.” Deb nods. “But he was keeping one from you too.”

Her brow lifts and she leans closer, clutching her iced tea in both hands.

“Luke has been feeling guilty about his dad’s death. He blames himself for not being able to save him. And he blames himself for not being able to save Chloe.” I can’t blink the tears away fast enough this time. I swipe at one that escapes down my cheek. “I think he needs someone to help him through it. He shouldn’t feel guilty. About any of it.”

Deb presses a hand to her chest. “I had no idea.” Her voice is hushed now. “That explains why he didn’t want to tell you the truth—he didn’t want to lose you too. You’ve always been so important to him.”

I sniff, trying unsuccessfully to blink the tears away. “He told me to stop being a people-pleaser. That I shouldn’t let people treat me however they want.”

That includes him.

“No, you shouldn’t. I know he’s my son, but I can admit when he’s made a mistake. I’ll be the first to tell him when he’s screwed up.” Deb’s voice is sure, and I don’t doubt her for a second. “But I know my son. And he would never hurt you intentionally. Your pain hurts him more than his own.”

Another crack in my heart. That’s the part that hurts most—not that he hurt me, but that I’m hurting him. “So you think I should give him another chance?”

“You should listen to your heart.” Deb sets her iced tea down and stands, pulling me to my feet and in for a warm hug. I bury my face into her shoulder and finally let myself shed the tears desperate to escape. “But I will say, regardless of whether you have a relationship with my son or not, you’ll always be a daughter to me.”

Chapter 30

Luke

On the couch, I mindlessly play a video game. Bursting a zombie's head open with a single bullet has never made me feel less.

Bud’s head is on my leg, drool pooling on my stained sweats. He hasn’t left my side since I came home. We’ve got one more practice left tomorrow and then Coach is giving us a couple months off for summer break until next semester.

I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do for the next couple of months without hockey, without Sienna. Obsess over what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe.

She’s gone. I fucking lost her. Just like I knew I would. Like I should. I’ve never been good enough for Sienna. I don’t deserve her.

She’s right—I should’ve come clean about Ten’s true identity years ago. Maybe she would’ve forgiven me for catfishing her if I’d told her the truth sooner.

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