Page 93 of Believe it or Knot

She looks away from me, tears on her cheeks. “Do you know why they came to Lake Kilrose?” I open my mouth to say no, but she doesn’t give me a chance. “They were looking for a girl who plays the guitar and posts videos online but doesn’t show her face. Liam wanted to offer her a collaboration and the chance to co-write his next album.”

She meets my eyes and I know what she’s going to say before she does. I know how fucking talented she is, and I’ve told her over and over to do something with it. “They were looking for me. If all I wanted was fame and fortune, I could have it, Gage. I could call Liam right fucking now, tell him I’m who he was looking for, and before I know it, I’d be in the fucking recording studio with him. But that’s not what I want. It’s never what I’ve wanted.”

She meets my gaze. “What I want is a family. Built on trust and love and respect. I thought-” She chokes on the words, her lower lip trembling and I take a step toward her, needing to soothe her, but she takes another step back, keeping the distance between us. She takes a deep breath and tries again. “I thought you were going to be a part of that family. But how can you be when you don’t trust me to know my own heart? When you don’t respect me enough to respect my decision on who I date? I love you, Gage.” The words hold weight. More weight than they ever have when she’s said it before. This feels like more than the love between friends, just like I’ve always wanted, but it’s all fucking wrong. “I love you so fucking much. Its scares me how much I need you. But I love them too. I need them too.”

She waits for me to say something, but I can’t. I’m gutted.

The love of my life has just told me I’m not enough for her. That she loves me, but not enough to be with me. Only me.

“Gage?” she prompts, urging me to say something to make it better. But I can’t.

Sorrel stares at me for another moment before she runs a weary hand down her face and over her cheeks, wiping away her tears. She straightens her shoulders and shakes her head, her expression smoothing out in a way that I recognize all too well. She’s cutting herself off from me, from the emotions of the moment. She’s slipping on the facade she wears with fucking strangers, the one that tells the world that she’s fine when she’s anything but.

She hasn’t used this look with me so thoroughly since we were kids.

“I don’t…” she starts, but her voice cracks, so she takes a moment. A deep breath, a lick of her lips, and she tries again. “I don’t want to talk to you for a while. When you’re ready to discuss the possibility of joining my pack, I’ll be waiting. If it’s not something you can see doing, then I hope eventually we can be friends again. If you’re amiable.”

Amiable? She thinks I might be amiable to watching her build a life with them? Just sit on the sidelines as she bonds with them, marries them, has kids with them? No. No fucking way can I do that and not be a part of it.

“Sorrel,” I start, already regretting everything, but not sure how to fix it. That only intensifies when she holds up a hand to cut me off, stall my words.

“No, Gage. I have to pull myself together before this goddamn interview. I already said I don’t want to talk to you right now. So I’m going.” She spins on her too tall heel and exits the room. I hear her ask someone to point her to the restroom, and then she’s gone.

I watch her walk away from me, her words ringing in my ears, the sight of her tears playing on repeat. I should call out to her, make her stop and talk to me.

We can work this out. I can make it better.

But that would mean admitting that I know without a doubt that I’m not good enough. Not to join their pack. Not to protect her. Not to love her, though there isn’t a force on earth that could make me stop. They’ll never accept me into their pack. And that means, if she chooses to be with them, I’ll never fucking have her.

Track 21: I Can Do it with a Broken Heart

I half expected Gage to follow me, for him to try to make this right. But he doesn’t.

And fuck does that hurt.

I stumble through the halls until I find a ladies’ room and push through the door with one hand, the other I hold to my mouth, trying to stifle the sobs attempting to burst through my trembling lips.

I cannot have a complete meltdown right now. I can’t ruin the makeup so carefully applied to my skin, and I can’t do the interview with red puffy eyes. The entire world will think I’m upset to be joining the Cordova pack.

Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’m overjoyed.

Or at least I was until Gage gave me an ultimatum. I didn’t even know that people do that in real life. How could he do that to me? I thought he loved me.

But if he did, wouldn’t he want me to be happy? Wouldn’t he want to be happy with me?

I stumble to the sink and grip the white porcelain, keeping my head tilted down away from the mirror because I don’t think I can take seeing the devastation on my face.

The one on Gage’s that keeps replaying in my mind is bad enough. My fingers tremble as I turn on the faucet, letting cool water run over my hands and wrists. I want so badly to splash some water on my face, to wash away the evidence of my tears, but that will destroy whatever’s left of my makeup and I know we don’t have enough time for a full glam up the way we did before.

I take a deep breath and shut off the water, then dry my hands with a paper towel. Another deep breath to prepare, and I look at myself in the mirror.

I look like a girl who’s just had my heart broken.

There’s no way around that, because it’s true.

“You can do this, Sorrel,” I encourage the girl in the mirror. “You’ve spent your life pretending. You can do it for just a little longer. Even with a broken heart.”

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