Page 14 of Playing With Danger

“Good morning, Mom,” I returned, choosing to ignore her rude opening.

“Now’s not the time, Sophie.”

One could say my mother only listened to parts of conversations she wanted to listen to. She discarded the rest and did what she wanted. Nathan, on the other hand, had looked proud as I stumbled my way through an awkward ramble explaining to my mom I didn’t love the way she was always nagging and in my business. Of course I didn’t use those words. I used nicer words. Now I was seeing the error of my ways. Much like what happened with Sydni, direct was the way to go. My problem was I didn’t care I was never going to see Sydni again, and my mom was my mom. As strained as our relationship was I didn’t want to go the rest of my life not speaking to her. Obviously I needed to find another way.

“You could just tell me you’re proud of me,” I whispered.

“Proud of you?” she asked back like the concept was foreign.

And that got me thinking; had my mother ever told me she was proud of anything I’d ever done?

“Or you could tell me that it’ll be a lot of hard work to get my business going but you know I can do it,” I offered.

“Lying to you to make you feel good doesn’t actually do you any good. I’m your mother, not one of your friends.”

I stared unseeing through the windshield of my car as my mom’s words penetrated.

Lying to you…

So she wasn’t proud of me and she didn’t believe I could own my own business and make it successful.

“You’re almost forty. It’s time you start thinking about your future. You live in an apartment with a roommate. No job. No financial security. No retirement...”

I stopped listening when I saw Valentine jump out of his truck and watched as he walked across the parking lot toward Hot Java. Which reminded me; with my mother’s call I’d yet to go in and get my coffee.

As if he sensed someone staring at him, Valentine scanned the cars in the lot until his gaze landed on me. He changed directions and I continued to watch his now purposeful strides bringing him to me.

God, he was beautiful.

And the last person I wanted to see.

“Are you listening to me?” my mother scoffed.

“No.”

“No?”

Now she wasn’t sneering. She was screeching.

Sigh.

Did life have to be this complicated?

“No, Mother, I stopped listening when you started your usual refrain about what you feel are my shortcomings. Though I admit I wasn’t really listening after you told me you weren’t proud of me and didn’t believe in me.”

“I said no such thing, Sophie.”

Yes, she did. But there was no point arguing about it. Nonetheless, it was worth noting she sounded affronted I’d suggest such a thing.

Valentine was fast approaching and I wanted this call to be over for more than one reason. Mostly due to the fact my mother hadn’t listened to a word I’d said last night. But also because even though my windows were rolled up I didn’t want to chance Valentine hearing my conversation.

“I have to go.”

“We’re not done, Soph?—”

She might not have been done, but I was and proved that by ending the call.

It almost felt good hanging up on my mother. So good in fact I wondered why I hadn’t done just that anytime she decided to lay into me about what she felt were my poor life choices.

---