Page 23 of Playing With Danger

“I could’ve been pregnant and I still went into a dangerous situation. That doesn’t say good mother, Valentine. That says selfish bitch?—”

“Shut it,” I interrupted her. “Like you said, even if you were pregnant it’s a pea. I’m not particularly educated about a woman’s body.” I paused when Sunny smirked. “Reproductively I mean. What I’m trying to say is, a woman’s body is made to protect that little pea. Not to mention, you had all of us there. Nothing was going to happen to you. We’re not on shift for another two days so you could’ve waited to take that test. But you didn’t wait. You took it as soon as you got back. That doesn’t say bad mom or selfish, Sunny.”

Her jaw clenched and she blew out a breath.

“My mom left us,” she whispered.

Sheer panic moved through me and I felt my pits get sweaty. I could be first in the door with nothing but a shield between me and a bullet and keep my cool. I could break a window and climb through into an unknown situation and not break a sweat. Hearing the terror in Sunny’s voice sent me spiraling. I was not the right person to give anyone advice. I could down a few beers, shoot tequila, or sip a whiskey depending on what a friend needed while they unloaded. I could buy Sophie a coffee with an extra shot and be a shoulder when she needed to blow off steam about her mother.

But actual advice? Wisdom? No.

And Sunny didn’t need a few beers or a shot of tequila. She needed someone like Gordy or Riddle or better yet one of her brothers. They’d know what to say.

“How can I be a mom when I don’t even know what one is?”

That was a good question.

One I didn’t know how to answer since I no longer had a mom and my dad checked out when I was thirteen and never checked back in.

Oh, fuck yeah, panic had set in.

“What if I bail?—”

“Woman, what the hell are you talking about? You would never bail on your child.”

“How do you know?”

“Shiloh, you’re one of the best women I know. Fuck, one of the best people—man or woman—I know. There is no way in hell you’d abandon your child. Or your husband. Maybe instead of thinking about all the shit your mother didn’t teach you, you should start thinking about the things she did.”

She met my response with narrowed eyes and pinched brows.

I was terrible at this shit.

Where the hell was Gordy, goddammit? I was screwing this up and Sunny needed someone better than what I could give her.

“That woman taught me nothing,” she seethed.

“Wrong, Shiloh. She taught you the most valuable lesson you could ever learn. She taught you everything you never wanted to be. Men look to their fathers and they either want to be them, so they idolize and emulate, or they want to be nothing like them and they make moves to change everything about themselves to make sure there’s nothing left of their father inside of them. I suppose women are the same. You had a shit mother, but she gave you something. You won’t be a damn thing like her because you aren’t anything like her. I’d say Echo, River, and Phoenix had a hand in that, but even if you didn’t have them, you’d still be you. You’d still be the woman you are today because, Sunny, that’s just who you are. Grit and determination and good to your core.”

When I was done, she was no longer frowning but her eyes were filled with tears.

Christ.

How much more could I fuck this up?

“Sunny—”

“You’re right.” She sucked in a breath and swiped at her eyes. “Sorry for freaking out on you. I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I just…I was late and Luke was excited and so was I. Then…I don’t know…I just freaked out.”

“Honey, did you stop to think that you freaking out about what kind of mom you’d be was your first clue you’ll be a damn good mom?”

Her mouth twisted into a smile and she shook her head.

“No. I didn’t think of that at all.”

Right.

Crisis adverted.

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