Page 84 of Playing With Danger

He wasn’t asking yet I still answered, “Yes. I just need to know if I’m loving him the right way.”

Hayden blew out a long sigh.

“This is gonna go one of two ways, Soph. He’s either blowing off steam, working shit out in his head and he’s going to come home and know he made a mistake, or he’s somewhere shoring up his defenses. If it’s the latter it’s gonna be ugly and you have to be prepared to take some emotional hits. He’s gonna be spun up, his pain is going to be close to the surface, and he’ll strike out at you.”

Damn.

That didn’t sound good.

“Is there a third way this can go?”

“No, sweetheart, it’s gonna go one of those two ways with no in-between.”

My best friend didn’t sound happy.

“I only know Valentine as a mellow dude. Great with the kids at the center. Good friends when they come around. Solid guy when we’ve hung out. But I only know what I’ve seen and all of that is surface, so I gotta ask, are you scared of him?”

“Scared of him?”

“Do you think he’d get physical?”

“Never!”

“You didn’t?—”

“I don’t have to think about my answer. The answer is no. Am I scared? Yes. Very. I’m scared he’s too far gone and I won’t be able to reach him. I’m scared I won’t be enough for him to want to face what’s eating him. It’s huge—so big he’s hidden from it for over two decades. That’s what I’m scared of. That’s what I need you to help me with.”

I glanced around Valentine’s living room with new eyes, a clearer understanding. It was minimalistic and clean. No clutter anywhere to the point of boring. No daily detritus. Dishes were done right after we were done eating. Garbage was taken out daily even though the bag wasn’t full. His bathroom was the same—clean, tidy, void of any kind of mess. He made his bed every day. I sniffed trying to catch a whiff of something but there was nothing.

Clean, sterile, barren.

I thought it was because he was a bachelor and didn’t care about his environs. But he did care. He cared so much he’d rather live in a house completely devoid of any personality than live in a home with a speck of dirt or a full bag of trash.

How long had he lived in that filth before he got out?

“You still with me?” Hayden called out.

“Yeah, sorry. I missed what you said.”

“I said, you’re enough. And if you can’t break through and make him see the woman he has on his hands, then I don’t care what he’s going through, he’s not right for you.”

“Don’t say that,” I whispered.

“Sophie, please listen to me,” he said on a long exhale. “I love you more than I love my own blood. You’re my best friend. You’re the only person in this world that I trust. You’re enough. More than enough. I like Valentine. I hope he doesn’t end up being stupid and that’s what he’ll be if he shuts you out. He’ll lose you, then he’ll spend the rest of his life regretting it. That’ll suck for him. But that will be on him.

“The last thing I can tell you is this. You’re strong. You’re a fighter. So stay and put up one hell of a good fight. Buckle up and let the bullshit he’s probably going to spew bounce off you. But you’re gonna have to know when to quit and walk away. And honestly, that might be the only thing that wakes him up, depending on how deep he is into his trauma. He might have to lose you before he can find himself. Then it will be up to you if you take him back or not.”

God, I hoped it didn’t come to that.

“So you think I did the right thing?”

There was a moment of hesitation before my best friend rocked my world. “I think he’s the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. I think he’ll never do better than you. I think he’s going to pull his head out of his ass and see who he has on his arm and in his bed and he’ll know love like he’s never known.”

I was taking that as Hayden thinking I was doing the right thing.

“You know you only deserve the best, right?” I chanced telling him.

“And let me guess, you don’t think Khloe’s it.”

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