Page 23 of Adoring Delaney

The incessant pounding on the hotel door cut through the alcohol-induced sleep. For the last two nights I’d slept without a single nightmare due to the amount of Jack Daniel’s I’d consumed.

This was better.

Easier.

As long as I kept drinking, I could stay numb. It was when I’d started to sober in the slightest the most horrific memories of Delaney assaulted me and I wanted to yank my hair out.

I couldn’t get her pained expression out of my head. Her cold eyes full of despair looking at me, as she told me we’d lost our baby.

The banging continued and I had no choice but to get up and tell whoever was out there to go the fuck away before my head exploded.

“What?” I threw open the door and my dad scowled at me.

“You look like shit, boy,” he growled and shoved me in the room.

Goddamn, I didn’t need this.

“Don’t need this, Dad.”

He looked around the room, his lip curling in disgust.

My gaze followed and I winced. Two empty bottles of Jack, one on the weathered nightstand that should’ve been tossed out and replaced a decade ago, the other tipped on its side on a small table under the window. A messy bed with dingy, threadbare sheets that definitely should’ve been trashed more than a decade ago and they were tangled with the ugliest, flower pattern comforter I’d ever seen. Dirty clothes on the nasty carpet complete with my wet towel from last night’s shower.

The place was a shithole. It was perfect. The décor matched how I felt. Ugly, dirty, worn-out, and nasty.

Fuck.

“What don’t you need?”

“This. You coming here to give me shit. How’d you find me anyway?” I snapped.

“Wouldn’t be very good at my job if I couldn’t even find my son, holed up in a motel less than twenty miles from my house.” My dad’s eyes slid to mine and I flinched. Disappointment and the desire to kick my ass. Great. “How bad did you fuck up?”

“What?”

“Did you bring a woman back here or was this a pity party for one?” he explained.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously, Carter.” He looked around the room again then back to me. “This place smells like shit, looks like shit, and you look worse. You’ve drank yourself stupid, so how far’d you let that stupid go?”

“Not that it fucking matters but I didn’t bring a woman here.”

“It doesn’t matter? Three days ago you were all fired up to go find Delaney. Wouldn’t shut your mouth until you wore your brother down and he told you where she went. Now it doesn’t matter?”

“Nope.”

“You care to elaborate on that?”

“Not even a little bit.” My dad’s gaze didn’t leave mine and the acid in my veins made itself known. “’Preciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s none of your business.”

“I see I failed you.” Some of the anger slid from my father’s eyes. “Shoulda talked to you when you started that shit with her. Shoulda told you it didn’t end well. That’s my fault. I fucked up with your mom and you and Delaney—history repeating itself.” He looked at his feet and shook his head. “Your mom told me to talk to you. I told her you’d sort yourself out. I left you to it, because I knew what you were feeling. Loving someone so perfect, so young, not wanting to hold her back, wanting to protect her from the dangers of your job, prevent her from mourning the loss of you. A love so powerful you’d live in hell, so she could move on and be happy.”

My chest was pounding from the beat of my heart and my breaths were coming out in pants. I knew what it took out of my dad to talk about what he’d done to my mom. I always hated hearing their story, it was not a beautiful fairy tale. My dad had shredded my mom and himself.

“I was wrong. Worst mistake I ever made. Then I got her back. After twelve years. Twelve-fucking-years of watching her go to a grave she thought was mine. Listening to her talk to a dead man, still loving him, still mourning him. I let her do that. I watched it break her and I did nothing. Until I couldn’t do it anymore. I got her back, and I had heaven in my hands. Beauty like you wouldn’t believe. I ever tell you what made her leave me?”

I thought back and never remembered either of them mentioning Mom leaving him. The story went, he had to grab her before a seriously fucked-up former team member of my dad’s unit got to her and used her as revenge. Nowhere in the story did anyone mention Mom leaving him.

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