Page 24 of Adoring Delaney

“No,” I answered.

“Spent a week with your mom in Big Bear. Didn’t think it was possible but I fell more in love with her. Damn, boy, she was everything I ever wanted and she was in my arms. And every night I laid awake and fear choked me. All I wanted was for her to be safe. When it was time for me to leave and go hunt down the fucker who was threatening her, I told her I didn’t love her. Told her I just needed to work her out and she was no longer under my skin. I told her she was nothing more than a piece of ass, in the long line of women I’d had over the years.”

“What the fuck?” I seethed. “You said that shit to my mother?”

“Told her to forget about me even when she stood feet from me, tears rolling down her beautiful face. But I couldn’t see her. Fear had taken root and I needed to set her free. I was scared, I was a coward, and I was stupid. I turned my back on the only woman I’d ever loved. And know this, Carter, there may’ve been other women in my bed, I was no saint, but I’ve never loved another woman. I’ve loved your mom since I was a teenager. Never felt anything for anyone except her. And I pushed her away. I turned my back on her and left. What makes that worse, that week, we made you. I left her carrying my child and the next day she was kidnapped and I wasn’t there to protect either of you. We found your mom. I begged. And, boy, when I say begged, I pleaded my case at her feet and she turned me out and walked away. Your uncle Jasper knew she was pregnant, rightfully kept it from me so I could sort my head. When I found her she was in Myrtle Beach, very pregnant with you.”

Sometime during my dad’s speech my body went solid, then I felt sick, and finally I stumbled back, unable to stay upright. My ass hit the ugly-assed dresser and the TV wobbled from the force in which I hit it.

Fuck.

“What are you going to do about Delaney?” he asked after a spell.

“Nothing.”

“Say again?”

“Nothing to do. It’s too late.”

“What the fuck, Carter? Did you not listen to a goddamn thing I just told you? Did you hear me when I said it was the worst mistake of my life?”

“I heard every word, felt them down to my soul. But my story. Delaney and mine, it doesn’t end like yours and Mom’s.”

“It can. Stop acting like a fool and you can hold heaven in your hands for the rest of your life.”

My eyes shot to my dad’s and all the venom swirling in my stomach rushed up and I couldn’t hold it back. It scorched a path begging to get out. So much fire it burned my throat.

“I don’t get to have what you and Mom have!” I shouted. “We don’t get that.”

“You could if—”

“I can’t. You don’t get it. There’s no happy-fucking-ending for us.”

“Carter—”

“It’s dead. My baby, it’s dead, Dad. Gone.”

“Come again?”

My dad’s eyes widened in shock, and maybe I should’ve found a better way to tell him his grandchild would never be born but I didn’t have it in me. I had nothing left. All I wanted was to be left alone with my alcohol. I didn’t want to feel this—the loss of my whole world. My baby and Delaney were gone and I had nothing that was worth a shit.

“She was pregnant when Derek Lowe took her.”

“Good God,” my dad whispered.

“Pregnant and alone because I was on the other side of the world. She was taken and our baby was beaten out of her and I wasn’t fucking there. Wanna know what I was doing? I was in an Afghani village watching some stupid fucking grunt approaching a woman begging him for help. He didn’t see the trap, he wouldn’t stop. I had my crosshairs on her forehead, but I hesitated, praying I wouldn’t have to shoot a fucking woman holding her baby in the head. That’s what I was doing while my woman was getting beaten. I waited too long. The grunt got close and she did it. Took herself out, the soldier, and that baby. I could’ve saved them from that. All I needed to do was take the shot but I was too much of a pussy. I killed that baby and halfway around the world Derek Lowe killed mine.”

“Get that shit outta your head now,” my dad demanded. “You didn’t kill that baby. And I know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong. Delaney losing your baby wasn’t some cosmic payback. Derek Lowe did that, not you, and not Delaney.”

I felt wet brimming in my eyes and I tried but failed to blink it away.

“I’m not good enough for her, Dad. I don’t get to hold heaven because I’m destined for hell. The things I’ve—”

“There’s no one better for her.”

“I have to let—”

“The fuck you do. Go to her and hold on.”

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