Page 29 of Adoring Delaney

“We staying here tonight or going home?” I asked.

Delaney’s body stiffened and her eyes came to mine. “We’re not going anywhere. I’m going home. You can do whatever you want to do. But whatever that is, will not be with me.”

“Home it is,” I mumbled and stepped away from her. “You done packing?”

“Enough. Seriously. I can’t do this. I waited for you. Prayed even, that one day you’d come home and tell me to pack up, move us to Virginia, and we’d finally be together. I put my life on hold. God, I was so stupid. I don’t trust you, Carter. I gave you everything, begged you to take it, and you turned your back on it. Now all of a sudden, you’ve seen the light and expect me to be grateful. Well, I’m not. Eight years ago, I would’ve been in heaven. Five years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance. A year ago, I would’ve followed you anywhere. Now? I just want you to go away.”

Delaney stopped slaying me with her words and blinked at the tears brimming and went for the kill shot. “A part of me will always love you. You were my first everything. My first love, my first kiss, the first man to touch me, the first to make love to me. But you’re also my first heartbreak. The first and only man to break me. A bigger part of me knows I deserve better. Please let me go so I can find it.”

The pain was rolling off of Delaney in waves. I felt it fill the room and I wanted nothing more than to take it from her. I wanted to soak it up so she’d never feel it again.

“I’m not letting you go.” Her shoulders slumped at my announcement. “I would, Laney. If I thought for a second, you’d be happier with me gone, I’d leave. If I thought there was a man out there that could love you better than I could, I’d let you go. I keep telling you, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry, so fucking sorry. I can’t press upon you just how sorry I am. But on your five-hour drive back up to Georgia I want you to think about our life. Stop thinking about the things we didn’t talk about. Stop thinking about the verbal commitments I didn’t give. And start remembering all that I gave you.”

“You didn’t—”

“Stop,” I snapped. “Stop thinking about what I didn’t do, what you didn’t do, what we didn’t do. And remember, Laney. And just so we’re crystal clear, I didn’t need a verbal commitment to stay true to you. I didn’t need promises of a future to know you were mine. The words didn’t matter because I knew without them, deep down to my soul you were it for me and because I knew that, I knew I was it for you. Forget what I said and remember what I did. I always came home to you. Always. Every free moment I’ve had for the last eight years has been spent with you.”

“Right. In secret. You’d come home, and we’d hide out.”

“Fuck, woman. You ever stop to think why that was? Not the bullshit I said about our families not understanding. But really think about it. We had limited time. Sometimes I could slip down for a weekend or two during the month. But that meant there were weeks between when I got to see you. Sometimes I was gone for months and when I finally got a chance to come home, do you really think I wanted to share that time with anyone? Months, Laney. Months of missing you. Months of dreaming about you, thinking about you, needing you so badly I fucking ached. Do you really, really think I wanted to waste a second of my precious time with you, with our families or our friends? Fuck, Laney, I wouldn’t even share you with the damn TV. I wanted all of you. All of your time. All of your attention. You weren’t my secret. You were my goddamn sanctuary. I’d come home with my head fucked up from all that I’d seen or done, and one damn look at you the weight would lessen. One touch, and I could breathe. When we’d hit our bed and you’d wrap yourself around me, I’d finally feel whole. So do not lie to me or to yourself and tell me you didn’t feel it.”

I stepped away from her, giving both of us space.

“You have five hours, Delaney. I’ll meet you at home. If you’re not there, I’ll track you down. Five hours to sort your head. I suggest you use your time driving wisely.”

With one last look at her pale face, no less beautiful with all the color drained out of it, I turned and started for the door.

“And just so you don’t twist this, I’m not leaving you, I’m giving you time. If I thought you were ready, I’d lock you in this house and neither of us would leave. But you need to remember and I’m going to give it to you. I’ll see you at home, baby. Drive careful.”

10

Ididn’t use my five-hour drive wisely, as Carter had arrogantly suggested. I’d used it being pissed. I was nursing my anger, so I wouldn’t forget what a bossy asshole he really was.

I mean, seriously, who says that? And it wasn’t just one thing, it was all of it. Though, I had to admit, he’d been right about some of what he’d said. He never hid how he felt about me. But that only made it worse. I knew he loved me but he’d still leave. I knew our time together meant something to him, but he’d never fully open up.

The whole drive, Carter was never more than two car lengths behind me. He’d tailed me the entire time, never making a move to pass me, which I’m sure annoyed him, considering I drove much slower than he liked. I’d also pulled off the road four different times to use the restroom and pick up snacks. Something I normally wouldn’t have done, but did it in an effort to further irritate him. None of those times had he gotten out of his truck or tried to talk to me. He’d pull into a parking spot next to me and watch.

Now I was pulling down my street and he didn’t follow.

I told myself this was a good thing; he was giving me what I wanted and not coming over. I thought this while I’d unloaded my car, unpacked my bags, stood in my laundry room tossing my dirty clothes into the washer, and taking my makeup and hair crap back into my bathroom and placing it on the counter.

I continued to think this while I showered. It wasn’t until I was pulling on a pair of shorts that I allowed myself to feel disappointment.

Once again, I was being stupid.

There was still a kernel of hope that we could finally have a chance at something more.

So stupid.

I finished getting dressed, grabbed my cell, and walked to my kitchen while I was dialing my parents’ number.

I put the phone on speaker, placed it on the island, opened my fridge and started rooting through it in hopes I had something to make for dinner.

“Hey, sweetheart,” my mom answered. “Are you home?”

“Hi, Mom. Just got in.”

“Good. Did you have a nice time?”

---