Page 32 of Adoring Delaney

“You busy?” I asked Mercy.

I was sitting on my couch in my mostly dark living room, the heels of my feet in the cushion, knees up and a bottle of beer in my hand.

“Never too busy for you. What’s up? How was your beach vacation?”

On an exhale I filled my sister-in-law in. Mercy was the only person other than Carter who’d known I was pregnant. She and I had bonded in a way that no one else in my life could understand. Not only had she been there when Derek Lowe had kidnapped me, she’d willingly given herself to him in an effort to save me. And he’d almost killed her.

She saved my life that horrible day—unfortunately before she’d killed him, he’d already killed my baby. When we were in the hospital and the loss was so overwhelming, I went to her and shared. I did it because I had to tell someone and she was the only person I could turn to.

“Wow,” she said when I was done.

“Wow doesn’t help, Mercy. What am I supposed to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to believe everything he’s saying. Do a happy dance. He’s finally offering me what I’ve always wanted. I want to ride off into the sunset with him and have my happily ever after.”

And that was the truth. I wanted to believe we could be together. But the last eight years of rejection were fresh. And I didn’t think I’d be able to put it behind me and trust him.

“You know, when Jason first told me about you and Carter, I thought he was an asshole. I think I even told your brother that you should kick him to the curb. You’re too beautiful, too sweet, too good to be waiting for a man to pull his head out of his ass. Then what happened with the baby. I’m sorry to bring it up, I’ve never lost what you have, but, honey, it was more than just you having a miscarriage.

“I felt it when you came into my room and held onto me. It was pouring out of you. And what I was feeling was Carter. How much you loved him, how much you needed him, and how much you loved that precious baby the two of you made. You and Carter—that’s what I felt.”

Damn, she was perceptive. She was right. That day when I was holding onto her like a lifeline I was grieving all things Carter.

“But he wasn’t there.”

“No, he wasn’t. But, Delaney, he wasn’t out fuckin’ about with his friends, leaving you to it. He was deployed. I started to understand in the hospital how much you loved him. When I saw him at Nick and Meadow’s house, and you didn’t see it because you were already out the door, all I saw was concern and love. Then when you bolted, confusion and hurt.” Mercy paused then went on. “That night after I got you sorted and went home, Carter was at my house talking to your brother. I was fully prepared to tell him to screw off. But I couldn’t. He was a mess and begging me to tell him what was wrong. Outside of Jason I’ve never seen a man look so devastated. I understood then how much he truly loved you and he was struggling. I don’t agree with what he’s done, being stupid and pushing you away. But, honey, I understand.”

“You never told me he was there,” I accused.

“No, I didn’t. And I’ve never told you I’ve heard Jason on the phone with him. When you won’t answer, he calls your brother to check on you.”

“But why now? How can I trust him?”

That was a huge issue for me. What if we started over and he pulled away again? I wouldn’t survive him leaving me. Not again.

“Can’t answer the why now,” she told me, then asked, “Why did your brother fight his feelings for me, then decide to be with me, then leave me and break my heart, only to want me back?”

“Not the same thing. Jason pulled his head out of his ass within weeks. Carter’s had eight years.”

And I wasn’t going to mention my brother’s head was screwed up after his first wife died of cancer. It wasn’t only Mercy he’d cut out—for two years he’d stayed locked in his head and refused to allow any of us to get close. Then he found Mercy, and she worked miracles and gave my brother something so special he’d come back to the living.

“You’re right; you and Carter have been dancing around this a long time. But when Jason came back, I had to trust him that he wouldn’t leave me again. Let me ask you this, do you wanna hold on to your fear or do you want to be happy?”

“I…um….”

“Tuesday asked me that same question. Then I returned the favor when she wouldn’t let Jackson in. Now I’m asking you. Think about it, will you regret not giving the two of you the chance to find happiness? In a year from now will you be lying in your bed wondering what if?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Then take the chance.”

“But—”

“No buts. Go slow, go smart, go with your heart. Just take the chance. He loves you, Delaney. I wouldn’t be giving you this advice if I didn’t know it.”

“I don’t think Carter wants to go slow and I don’t think I can,” I blurted out.

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