Page 57 of Adoring Delaney

Well, that explained a lot. I’d known my family had allowed me to walk into that shit show but I hadn’t known they’d actually thrown me under the bus and told Carter to be there.

“I went on seven dates with him.”

“Stop.”

“He’d been asking me for years and I’d always turned him down. I thought I needed to move on and to do that I agreed on a date. He’s a nice guy. He knew I was holding back but never pushed me to open up and share. He never even invited me to his place. We went to dinner, to a jazz bar, he took me to Savannah for an art exhibit, and we went rock climbing once. Those were our dates. He called a lot and we’d talk on the phone.”

“Please stop.”

I ignored his request and continued. I needed to get this out. I needed to clear the air and he had to know the truth. “And I kissed him.”

“Delaney,” he growled.

“I’d never kissed anyone but you. It was different. Not bad, but it didn’t make me feel anything. It wasn’t magic. It never went any further. I didn’t sleep with him and he’d kept his hands to himself.”

“That’s enough.”

Some of the bite had left his voice but he was still angry.

“He never spent the night. He came into the house once, we sat on the couch and talked but he left. I need you to know everything that happened. Steve’s a nice guy and he didn’t deserve what I did to him. I feel bad for that and one day I’m going to have to talk to him and tell him. I didn’t know I was doing it at the time but I used him. I couldn’t have you, I was hurting and lonely and used him to fill my time. That sucks. That’s not the type of person I am and I need him to know I’m sorry. I also flat-out lied to him and told him I’d never been in a long-term relationship. I didn’t want to bring you into what I thought I was starting with Steve. That was wrong, too.

“I hate thinking about you with the girls in high school. But I can understand. I know what it feels like to love someone so much but you can’t be with them and it hurts so damn bad you just want something to dull the ache. I know I wasn’t your first. Some of the girls you were with I saw, some I only heard about, but I knew your reputation. Girls talked. And every time I’d hear how good the legendary Carter Lenox was, I wanted to throat punch someone. You were giving other girls what I wanted. And it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with your time and attention. I wanted to be the one lying next to you. But I understand now what you were doing and why. You were a teenager; we weren’t together and it was wrong of me to bring it up. I’m sorry for that.”

He was silent for a long time, but his eyes never left mine. I couldn’t read his expression, and to be honest it was a little scary. He didn’t want to know about Steve and I’d still pushed it on him. But I had to get it all out. He also had to know I was sorry for bringing up the past. Going all the way back to high school had been a low blow and I knew it even as I was bringing it up.

“We should talk about high school.”

“No, we shouldn’t. I just wanted to apologize.”

“You opened the door, Laney. Not only that but you ran through it telling me about Steve. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me you didn’t fuck him and I know it makes me a dick because you’re right, I have slept with other girls. I’m still pleased as shit I’m the only man that’s ever touched you. But even if you had, it would kill me but it’d change nothing between us.

“As for high school, I couldn’t have you. And, yes, I was a teenage boy and didn’t have a clue. I gave into what my body wanted. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t excuse it, and I regret you weren’t my first. But you are my last and that is what matters to me. What I want you to get is, none of those girls had my time or attention, not in the way you’re thinking. There was no mental foreplay and after-sex cuddling. At the risk of me sounding like a monumental dick, and, Laney baby, I know it makes me one, I got off and left. I felt nothing other than a half-ass orgasm and regret.”

I winced at his description; it did make him sound like an asshole.

“You don’t understand why your brother had warned off every guy in high school. You thought it was because of me, that he had my back and knew how much I was into you. But it wasn’t. Your brother knew how guys our age thought and his sister wasn’t going to be some asshole’s orgasm.

“I’m sorry you saw me kissing Lorraine. But the thing you never knew was, I knew the second you rounded the corner and saw us. It was at a football game, the crowd was cheering, I should’ve been into the kiss but I wasn’t. I felt you approach just like I always did. I didn’t need to see you to know you were close. But when I broke the kiss and you looked like someone had slapped you, I took Lorraine home and never touched her again. That kiss you witnessed was the one and only she ever got from me. You want details about the rest, I’ll try and remember. But, baby, I hope you don’t. Because that is one stroll down memory lane I don’t wanna walk and I don’t see how it would do any good. But I promised you complete openness and that includes all the regret and ugly shit I’ve done.”

No. I absolutely didn’t want to talk about high school and other girls. Just knowing there were others was enough, I didn’t want any details. I didn’t want to know if there were more than I knew about and really, none of them mattered even if I had been the one to bring it up in an attempt to rub it in his face.

The doorbell rang and I froze.

“We good?” he asked.

I nodded because I was no longer thinking about the past but instead my present situation.

“You want details later?”

“Absolutely not.”

“You ready to leave all that shit where it belongs and move forward?”

“Yes.”

“Thank fuck. Come here, Laney.” I didn’t argue or delay. I moved straight to him. His arms went around me, my face to his chest, and he kissed the top of my head. “No matter what, everything’s gonna be okay. They love you. I love you. You’re safe to say everything you need to and all of us will be here to cushion the fall.”

I believed that. My parents loved me and they’d be heartbroken for us, but they’d do everything they could to help me through the pain.

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