Page 58 of Adoring Delaney

“What about you?”

“What about me?” he returned.

“Are you going to let me cushion the fall?”

His arms spasmed before they squeezed me tight.

“Laney baby, you’re doing it. You in my arms is all I need.”

My eyes closed and I let his words sift through me. Once we got past the bumps, we were gonna be just fine.

I knew Carter would love me through it.

My mom had tears streaming down her cheeks, my dad had a look of complete devastation.

I’d just finished telling them everything.

Carter had me tucked close just like my dad had my mom.

The look on my mom’s face as I told her about the baby and me miscarrying was something I’d never forget. She’d gone from shocked, to hear I’d been pregnant, to tortured when I talked about losing him or her.

Now everyone was speechless and I hated I’d hurt my parents. I’d pushed them away and hadn’t turned to them for support. I was close to my mom and I knew she was feeling my deflection as betrayal.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“What?” The word was hard to hear through her tears. “Sweet girl, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I should’ve told you. But I couldn’t. It hurt so bad I couldn’t talk about it. Even with you.”

“We understand.” My mom leaned farther into my dad and his arms flexed around her. “You’re our Rainbow Baby, Delaney.”

“What?”

I had no idea what that was.

“Before you I was pregnant. It was early, very early, but I had all the symptoms. I took a home test. When it was positive, we went to get blood work done. The pregnancy was confirmed. The next week we went back for my first real appointment and there was no heartbeat. We had an ultrasound and we were told I’d miscarried. So we understand. Then I got pregnant with you. You’re our Rainbow Baby. A child born after a miscarriage.”

“I had no idea,” I whispered.

“Can’t say you ever get over the loss of a child,” my dad croaked.

Oh, shit. Oh, no. My dad had lost his daughter Alesha before he’d met my mom. She’d been stillborn and Alesha’s mom had died, too. Something that had marked my dad down to his soul. I hated that he was thinking about them in a painful way.

“Dad.” I tried to stop him.

“It’s a void that can never be filled. I spent years trying to forget. Years denying I was in pain. Years hiding from anything that resembled a family because the pain was too much. The day you were born, Carter, I bailed. I was scared shitless of you. But Lily refused to let me avoid you for long and set you in my arms and called me Uncle Jasper and I knew I’d lay down my life to protect yours. Your birth started me on a path to healing. Jason coming into my life continued that. But it was only because of Emily and how she loved me that mended what was broken. None of those things, none of my other children fill the void, but all of those things combined fill me in a way that allows me to love the children I’ve lost and miss them but it is no longer a bleeding gash I hide from.

“Don’t let loss stop you from moving on. Don’t hide from it. We understand if you don’t want the rest of the family to know, but if you open up, I think you’ll find a lot of people that will love your baby as much as you do. And I think that will help you. And if nothing else, I think Lily should know.”

Love my baby.

“He’s right, Laney. We’ll both always feel it, the loss of our first child, but together we’ll get through it. One day, we’ll have our own Rainbow Baby, and he or she will never replace our first—nothing ever will. But that child will be a beautiful testament to our love and your strength. I don’t want to keep this a secret. It’s gonna hurt, but our child shouldn’t be forgotten.”

“What?” His comment slammed into my chest. “I don’t want to forget.”

“I know you don’t, that’s why I think all of the people who would’ve loved and protected him should know he existed.”

“Could’ve been a she, Carter.”

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