Page 81 of Adoring Delaney

Then Delaney shocked the hell out of me and opened up completely.

“It did hurt and that’s why I was pulling away. Every time I saw you, I was so jealous. All I could think about was, that should’ve been me. That was me. I was supposed to have the next Lenox grandchild. Me and Carter. Then when you really started to show I wanted to ask you questions. I wanted to know what it felt like to feel the baby move. It was torture, but I couldn’t imagine and wanted to feel it so badly.

“Then I’d watch Ethan with you and how sweet he is. He never takes his eyes off you. He’s always rubbing your belly and smiling. I couldn’t stand to see it because I wanted just a little bit of that. I wanted Carter to look at me that way.

“And Carson? God, she’s so excited with all these new babies. I wanted to give her a cousin…” A sob tore from Delaney, the pain so stark it took my breath.

“Laney baby,” I whispered.

“I have to finish. I want you all to know how much I wanted the baby. How excited I was. How much I loved him or her from the second I found out. I need you all to know that. I was wrong to keep it a secret. Both before and after I lost her. I also know I was a jerk to be jealous. That’s why I wanted you both here. I’m excited for you. I already love your new baby. And I hope you both can forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive, Delaney,” my brother croaked out.

He was fighting back his emotion and losing. My mom wasn’t trying and my dad was stoic.

“I’ll tell you whatever you wanna know,” Honor blurted. “Or I’ll stay away. Whatever is easier for you. Whatever you need, Delaney, is what you’re gonna get. We know you’re happy for us. We know you’re gonna love our baby like you love Carson, and Nick’s twins. But if you need time, take it. Be kind to yourself. We love you and want you to do what’s best for you.”

That right there was one of the many reasons my brother loved his wife. Honor would do whatever she could for her family. She understood Delaney’s pain and had given her an out. Permission for Delaney to stay away and do it guilt-free.

“That’s not what I want. I can’t hide anymore.”

I gave Laney’s hand a squeeze and she nuzzled closer. My brother’s watchful gaze never left me and Delaney.

“Happy for you,” Ethan started. “We all are. And, Laney, my brother does look at you the way I look at Honor. He always has. Ever since we were kids, when you entered a room everyone else ceased to exist for him. That’s why all the years you both tried to sneak around and hide your relationship from us, it didn’t work. We all knew, just from the way he stared at you. Happy that shit’s over now, the two of you dancing around each other in front of us. It was painful to watch two people who obviously loved each other hide it.

“I love you, Laney, so I say this as your once cousin and soon-to-be brother, don’t pull that shit again. Don’t shut us out when you’re in pain. You denied each of us the opportunity to repay you for the kindness you’ve shown us over the years. When I was sixteen and scared as shit, fatherhood looming, it was you who sat with me and told me the family had my back. It was you who told me, you’d never let me fail as a dad. You, Laney. You helped me through the hardest time in my life. Yet, when you suffered a blow, you pushed me away. You deprived me the chance to show you how much I loved you and prove I had your back when you needed it.”

“I’m sorry,” Laney whispered. “You’re right.”

“Don’t want you to say you’re sorry. I want you to remember how much we all adore you. How important you are to this family. How when one of us is suffering we all are. Together we’re strong, unbreakable, we can get through anything.”

My dad was staring at my brother with pride.

And he would, my dad had preached that very sentiment to both of us over the years. He’d repeatedly told us never to stray too far from our tribe. That when shit hit the fan, and it would, it would be our family who saw us through. And not just blood, but the family he’d created by friendship. Jasper, Levi, and Clark would always take care of us.

“I’ve waited a long time to have daughters,” my mom said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Couldn’t have picked a better wife for Ethan. Honor is a treasured addition to our family. I stopped thinking of Delaney as my niece sometime around when she was sixteen and started thinking of her as the girl who would grow into a woman, and that woman would become my daughter. I just didn’t think it would take damn near ten years. But I should’ve known Carter being our first born, he’d take after his father and take the long road. But that’s behind us. That’s the journey the two of you had to take and I promise you both it’s worth it.

“With that said, this family has a lot to be grateful for. We are blessed beyond measure and part of those blessings is Carter and Delaney’s baby. My grandbaby. A life that will be celebrated and remembered. One that we never had the honor of meeting but love her all the same. Laney, sweetheart, we’ll always remember her, I swear it. We’ll never forget what you gave us, even if you only had her a short time.”

And there it was. What Laney was trying to tell me earlier but I couldn’t understand. But hearing my mom tell us, she loved our baby and would never forget her was exactly what we both needed to hear.

“Thank you.” Delaney’s muffled appreciation could barely be heard because I was holding her so close, her face buried in my chest.

Wetness hit my eyes and I couldn’t let go of Delaney. I desperately needed her. Needed her to soothe the ache in my heart. Needed her in my arms and prayed she understood how strong she was, how much I loved her, and how much I loved our baby.

24

“You call your dad?” I asked Carter when he came into the bedroom.

As soon as everyone had said their tearful goodbyes, Carter had sent me to get ready for bed while he cleaned up and locked up the house.

I’d taken a long hot shower trying to wash away the sadness. The sting of Lily and Honor’s tears still too fresh. Lenox’s somber stare was one I would never forget. Yet it was Ethan’s words I’d replayed over and over again. He loved hard. Always had. Even as a kid, he felt everything deep and was the first one to rush to your side.

Part of why I’d kept my miscarriage a secret was I knew my family would be heartbroken. Not just for Carter and I but for themselves, too. I’d known they’d all feel the loss. I hadn’t wanted that for them. But I’d been wrong.

“Yeah.” His voice was low and rough, filled with agony.

“Your mom okay?”

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