Page 85 of Adoring Delaney

“What?”

I felt that one word straight to my heart. The disbelief. The confusion. It was guttural. And it was thick with accusation.

“We’ve already lost a lot. Too much. What if it happens again? What if it wasn’t Lowe’s attack that caused me to miscarry? What if there was just something wrong? What if I can’t carry—”

“Don’t do that, Laney baby. Don’t play the what-if game. It’s pointless. All it will do is fuck with your head. Did the doctor tell you there was something you should be worried about?”

“No.”

“Then we’re not gonna worry about it.”

“But…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

“When the time comes we’ll cross that bridge. Until then we’re not gonna worry about it.”

“We may’ve crossed the bridge, Carter. That’s not what you’re understanding.”

Carter rolled, nudged me so I was flat on my back, and rolled again until he was on top of me. He settled between my legs giving me no option but to spread them wide or they’d be pinned under him.

“I hate that you’re scared, but I’m happy as fuck you might be pregnant. Don’t care that might make me sound like an asshole, but I’m happy. You’re not alone anymore. I’m here and not leaving. So when the time comes, and I hope it is now, I’ll be standing next to you when you take that test. I’ll be there holding your hand when we listen to our baby’s heartbeat. Every step. Every day. We’re gonna have our Rainbow Baby, Laney. And I know you want that just as much as I do. I know you’re afraid, but I promise you I’ll never leave your side. Swear it. No matter what, we got this. Together. We’ll get through whatever’s thrown at us. You and me, just like the way it was always meant to be.”

I wasn’t alone. No matter what.

How different would it have been if Carter had been home the first time? Would he have stopped me from getting involved in Jason and Mercy’s case? Would I have been so preoccupied with my life and Carter that I would’ve answered their questions but not be nosy and start digging deeper even though they told me not to? Would I have been more excited and less scared?

“You’re thinking about the past, baby.” Carter pulled me from my thoughts. “Stay with me. Here in the present looking forward toward our future. You and me and however many babies you’ll give me. Don’t go back there, not to the dark times.”

I didn’t have a chance to respond.

His mouth landed on mine, his tongue swept in and I was lost in the magic.

Then he did other stuff. Really great stuff and I wasn’t thinking about anything other than the way he moved inside of me.

After that I was too exhausted to think of all the what-ifs, and instead I fell asleep thinking that if I was pregnant, it might just be all right—I wasn’t alone.

25

Aweek had passed and we’d had seven days of normal.

I found I fucking loved normal. The day I’d signed my separation papers from the Navy, nerves had set in. I wanted to be home with Delaney and my family but I was still apprehensive.

I’d spent my adult life regimented. Uncle Sam had a clear set of rules and schedule for me to follow. I thrived on ordered discipline. I’d had a purpose, I’d been necessary. If I wasn’t deployed then I’d been working on sharpening my skills.

Then there was the adrenaline rush. The thrill of the jump, the chase, and ultimately the kill. Knowing that I had a small part eliminating bad men had been the ultimate high. Until it wasn’t.

I’d never been immune to anxiety, I’d just been taught to control it and use it to my advantage. However when the day came I was faced with turning in my gear and my badge, it hit me. The finality. I was no longer a SEAL, I was a former SEAL. And for a minute that cut deep.

However, the day I’d driven home, the closer I got, the knowledge I was gaining more than I was losing had settled me. I could finally start my life with Delaney. I could watch my nieces and nephew grow up. I could spend more than a few days every few months with my brother.

I’d also talked to my dad. He’d been Delta, he knew what I was feeling leaving a high-stress, high-achieving environment. His wisdom had gone a long way. His transition into civilian life had led him and Jasper, Levi, and Clark into forming Triple Canopy. They had hard-earned skills they’d acquired over the years and had found a new purpose—training.

Me joining the company had been a no-brainer. It had always been their hope the next generation would take it over. Nick, Jason, Ethan, Jackson, Liberty, and myself all had our own specialized skill sets. Delaney, Quinn, Adalynn, and Hadley did, too. Those four would be vital to the success of the company, the brains behind the operation.

So now I was living a normal life, with a normal nine to five, and home every night for dinner. Brilliant.

And Delaney was moving forward. She hadn’t slipped back into the past since the night we’d had my family over and she told me she could be pregnant.

I hadn’t lied, I was fucking thrilled at the thought. Not so thrilled that she’d said no to my marriage proposal. It had never occurred to me she’d turn me down. Chalk it up to me being a man or simply being stupid but I’d thought it was a given. I knew we were meant to be together; I knew she knew it, too, so the next step would be marriage.

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