Page 9 of Adoring Delaney

“I’ll be there.”

“Thought you would be.”

“I’ll call Dad later today, but this stays between us. All of it.”

“Don’t need to remind me.” Ethan’s irritation made me smile. No, I didn’t need to ever remind him, he was the bearer of all my secrets. More than a brother, Ethan was my best friend. He’d hit some bumps early in life, but had stepped up in a big way and proved he was a good man, even at sixteen when he should’ve been a kid. He was a damn good father and I was proud of him.

“Thanks, brother, see you soon.”

“Seriously happy you’re coming home. Know I said Carson missed you, but I have, too.”

I closed my eyes and allowed my little brother’s words to sink in. Most of the time I felt disconnected being away from everyone. They all still got together and were close.

Then there was my cousin Moira, who went by her middle name, Liberty, and me, the only two out of the ten of us who decided to serve in the military. More often than not I felt like an outsider. And I knew Liberty did, too, she was coming up on her four-year mark in the Army and got home less than me. Uncle Levi and Aunt Blake traveled to Germany to see her at least three times a year.

“Miss you, too.”

“Later.”

Ethan hung up and I tossed my phone on my couch and looked around my studio apartment. It was basically empty. A couch, a coffee table, a bed, and my electronics—that was all the furniture I owned. None I would take back to Georgia with me. This was nothing more than a crash pad. Delaney’s place was my home.

She’d never been here, one more effort I’d made to hold her apart from my life in the military. I never discussed any missions with her, where I’d gone or what I’d done. That wasn’t because I didn’t want her to know, though it was a happy byproduct. It was because when I was with her, I was me. Just me. The real Carter Lenox. Not Special Operator, Lieutenant Lenox.

I loved being a SEAL. Loved my team, and the men I served with.

But more than anything I loved being Delaney’s Carter.

3

This was it.

Steve was pulling into the long, manicured driveway leading to Tuesday and Jackson’s house, better known as The Manor, and my stomach was in knots.

I was introducing him to my family.

What the hell was I doing?

Forcing myself to believe this was the next step.

It wasn’t like it was a marriage proposal or it meant I was committing myself to him for eternity but it was huge.

I’d obviously never brought a guy home to meet my parents, which by extension meant my family.

We’d only been seeing each other a month. I liked him. The more dates we’d been on, the more I’d settled into the idea of moving on. Steve was good looking; tall, built, dressed nice, had great manners, treated me wonderfully. He called when he said he would, picked me up on time, total gentleman, and didn’t push me to move faster than I was willing to go. Which was a goodnight kiss and that was only after the fourth date and he’d sweetly asked if he could.

He was a great kisser, too. Nothing magical, but still great. And I’d stopped comparing everything Steve said and did with how Carter was. Not only was it a bitchy thing to do to Steve, even if he didn’t know I was doing it, I had to stop for me. It was unhealthy.

So there I was with Steve, whom I was dating, taking him to meet my family.

He was excited, he thought this was me moving us forward.

The problem was I still felt empty. And I was beginning to think I always would. No amount of time would heal my wounds. So the only thing left for me to do was accept this was my life. It would be okay, but never great. Whether it was with Steve or someone else, I’d never have magic.

I’d lost my shot.

This was my new normal.

My life without my baby and Carter.

---